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Old 12-17-2007, 10:36 AM   #21
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I've not got any advice but to you. I hope you manage to get the situation resolved soon so you aren't stressed anymore
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Old 12-17-2007, 11:34 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by *KnitPixie* View Post
'ed her for being her
Take your friend to lunch (minus the shopping) and share this with her. I think what you wrote was poignant. Maybe write it in a card. Yes, now that I think about it, writing things down has a totally different affect than listening to someone talk, face-to-face.

She can't argue what's on paper, and she'll re-read your words over and over. Plus, writing allows you to think about what you want to say first, unlike having a regular conversation where we say things we can't take back.

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Old 12-17-2007, 01:39 PM   #23
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Thanks Nat a letter is in the works
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Old 12-17-2007, 02:56 PM   #24
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I had a friend like that once who turned on the waterworks if she was confronted, she also used to spread lies about herself and others and her stories had to be better than yours or more elaborate. I felt sorry for her as she was just trying to be popular, but at the end of the day I'm not a psychiatrist. I now keep minimal contact, never tell her anything personal and I never go shopping with her.
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Old 12-17-2007, 05:09 PM   #25
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I've been reading this post for a couple days and every time I read it I wonder WHY???? Why are you even worrying about keeping this friend in your life??

My advice, old and jaded as it is, is STOP putting yourself in positions where this can happen. Stop shopping with her, stop showing her what you are doing. Stop allowing her to have that kind of control in your life. There is nothing positive for you in this realationship, she is not a friend she is more like a parasite sucking your life out of you.

Sounds harsh I know but you can distance yourself from this person in a kind way if YOU chose to. If you allow it to continue it's your fault.
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Old 12-17-2007, 09:05 PM   #26
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Ginny I guess I put up with it because I feel bad for her. I mean she has no other friends and I feel that without me and my fiance's friendship she would be a withdrawn, severely lonely individual..I mean she has a depression problem and I don't want that to escalate because of me turning away from her alltogether ya know?!
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Old 12-18-2007, 06:47 AM   #27
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I'm talking to you like I would my own daughter (she's 23 too)!!! You cannot be responsible for another persons happiness. You can be kind and caring and try to be a friend but there comes a point in time when you must step back and let that person stand on their own while YOU take care of yourself.

This person is not a friend and I am not advocating being mean or cruel but I do think you need to take care of yourself and perhaps she will realize that her actions have consequences. You are carrying the burden of her issues and that is just wrong, wrong for you and for her.

As someone said in an eaarlier post you are not her psychiatrist. As long as you enable the behavior she will not get the help she needs and you will make yourself miserable.
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Old 12-18-2007, 07:26 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by nonny2t View Post
Ok, because this is an adult and not a child or teen or my advice would be totally different I have an idea. In this case, my advice is to turn the tables on her a bit. First off, go shopping with her and pick something absolutely positively ghastly that you hate. Let her pick the same thing, then return it buy something you like and when she wears the thing you hated thinking you will be in the same thing or whatever just tell her up front you did it to see what she would do and now you see that she is purposely just buying what you buy and that it is not just an accident or whatever her excuse is. Tell her you appreciate the fact she thinks you have good taste and all, but that it has become embarrassing having the twin act all the time. She isn't a child/teen but an adult and if she is that clueless and keeps it up, I may distance myself from her. If you have exhausted all means of communication with regards to this, then as one of the others said, she enjoys manipulating you and that is no friend.
I love what Nonny said...make a little game out of it...select something ghastly, let her buy it too...then return yours later! Tee Hee! That is rich!

Also, another good point Nonny made...Some people-combinations are 'toxic'. Poisonous to one, or both. A little distance maybe? Yes. Accept 1 out of every 3 invitations to do something together. Say yes one time, say no the next 2 times.

But, I still love the shopping thing! Please let us know if you try that!
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Old 12-19-2007, 02:17 AM   #29
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Tell her to back off and get over herself.
...
'Yknow, the amount of friends I still have astounds me.
I'm sorry. My advice fails.
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Old 12-19-2007, 09:30 AM   #30
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My step-father used to tell me that you can count the number of close friends on one hand. Hmmm...I can count mine on two or three fingers (not counting y'all, of course! )
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