when someone holds a resentment . . . .

[ecb]

For Months, and then calls to 'confront' the situation
this makes me CRAZY and my teenager just did this to me

anyway in a nutshell, she wants me to send HER her entire SS check each month and SHE will decide how to spend her money and save for college (of course she will pay her $160 Physician bill, and skiing costs). She is VERY sure she will not overspend what she has, and she has not yet gone through the 'I am not out of checks yet' stage (not experienced it herself yet, but she does like STUFF)
she is just being a HUGE teenager, and its making my ears ring LOUD, and I do not want to HATE being in her presence for the holidays, but she is setting that up for me.

She even is talking legal crap:violin:
I am SO pissed, Don't let me start.

ecb

[scout52]

I'm so sorry you are having more problems with your daughter. If she is talking legal stuff then say great!! we will have a guardian ad litem appointed to take care of all it. That will either shut her up, because one you did not let her push you around, or she will agree to it (and the guardian will be responsible not her for the money)

Or is she talking about emancipation? if she is then does she realize that you will have no legal responsiblity to her? she will have to realize the legal consequences of that decision. they vary from state to state.

Is someone pushing her to do this?

[ecb]

her teen friends have been talking to her about how messed up her situation is, and since I M the bad guy, she comes after me. I have access to her bank account, I will simply deposit her money in there and stop paying her bills that I have not already taken responsibility for. she thinks she can save up for college this way, and she wants to graduate early and go away to college after next year (a full year early, when she could take college classes for full college credit for almost free if she were still a HS student)
she has her sights so locked on the goal (being/playing grownup) that she is loosing track of the things she SAYS are of utmost importance to her (including her sisters)
I am SOOOOO dissapointed in her as a person (but I know she is not a full person yet, she is still a teen {No offense to our fellow teen knitters} but this is SOOO hard)
I made so many mistakes when I was her age, and like her thought I was doing so great, I know now I survived by the skin of my teeth SO many times. and I have to have faith she will find enough GOOD strangers to keep her alive since she does not want my support or help.
and yes I cry about this a lot (like now that the kids are asleep)
ecb

[auburnchick]

I'll pray for your family. Raising children is so difficult.

[cftwo]

I'm going to reply as someone who went to college a year early:

Dear ecb's DD:

If you're thinking about going to college a year early, you probably are getting pretty good grades in school, right? You've finished all of your college prep courses and taken advantage of all the opportunities that your high school has to offer and there's no place to go but up, right?

So, take a minute, forget about your mom's role in this, and think about YOU and your money. What expenses do you have or will you be expected to be resonsible for? How much (exactly) does college cost where you want to go? Don't forget to count tuition, room and board (gotta eat!), fees, books (be realistic here, and check out prices on some textbooks) and extras (you'll need things like toothpaste and pizza money, plus every now and then you'll want some money to spend on something just for you - clothes or whatever). Will you be commuting? Don't forget to figure in gas costs. Write it all down and take a realistic look at it. Balance that against what your income is. How stable is that income? Do you expect that it will be steady for however long it takes to finish college? Here's a hint from someone who will be paying $250 a month in student loans for another 15 years: keep your loans as LOW as you possibly can. It will make your life later a lot easier. So, next question: is there anything you can do which will help you keep your costs (and loans) down? What are your options, financially?

I am not doubting that some people can go to college early - I did it, others have, and it just might be the right decision for you. But this decision is also really your first real "grown-up" decision in that it is one which will affect you and your finances for many many years. Make sure you've thought it through - not what you think about your mom (and my mom wasn't sure I should go either), or what your friends say, but what really make sense when you look at the next 15 years. I know it seems like forever, but college is expensive and that forever is just one of the things you need to consider when you make the decision on when to go to college.

I hope you're enjoying your calculus and literature classes - college level classes go twice as fast through the material, so high school is your chance to learn them more slowly and make sure you understand them. I took both as a junior in high school, so I figure you're doing the same if you have your eye on college next year. Good luck!

[jess_hawk]

My dad recently pointed out to me exactly how little money I will have when I graduate. Now, I'll graduate with no student loans and with the ability to stay with my family until I get a reliable job (NOT my plan - I love my family, but a 9:00 curfew (my parents go to bed early and want me home by then) is just way restrictive) - most students aren't that lucky. Student jobs only provide so much money, especially when they have to be arranged around college courses. Then take into consideration that if you are scheduled to work every night (or every other night) its that much less time to study, which makes it harder to keep your grades up.
College courses are hard, particularly if you go to a school where you have mostly big lecture classes - the teachers aren't going to walk you through every little thing. I agree with what has been said above: do what you can in high school. It goes slower and small classes make life easier (and even small classes at a private college are hard, so don't take the excuse "but I'm going to a college that doesn't have huge lectures").

[knitncook]

I went away from college for one year. I took out student loans in order to do so. I KNEW what I wanted to be "when I grew up" I thought I was "so mature." Looking back, I wish I had taken a year just to work and then go do some travelling. I was NOT ready for college nor to make a life long career decision. I ended up paying on two loans for 5 years (albeit way back then it was only $25 a month) to go away to college for one year. I eventually went back home, lived with my parents (although I didn't have a curfew, I did have to give them the courtesy of letting them know when I would be coming in and they appreciated it was before midnight), went to the local university and learned a lot about myself. I did finally move out on my own, but it was much more calculated and with lots of research into all my costs (again, it was "way back then" and my VW Bug got a bazillion miles to the gallon and only cost $5 to fill my 8 gallon tank every 2 weeks).

My teen daughter is NOT ready to go to college full time. She takes a class a semester at the college and is planning on taking an intensive immersion Japanese class this summer. I'm in no hurry for her to "grow up" and she's in no hurry to get there. She's got her whole life to grow up and since I haven't figure out what I want to be either, I guess it's par for the course.

I don't know why our babies want to grow up so quickly!

[jodstr2]

hugs for you, ecb. you're a good mom, you're being sensible, you have many years of wisdom over her - and you aren't being mean - you're just taking that wisdom and applying it the best way you know how. that all doesn't make it any easier to raise her but all we can do is the best we can with what we know. hang in there. stand your ground and show her consistency and backing up your own word. I have confidence that someday she'll see that you were right.

[knitncook]

I forgot to add to remember that this is your daughter's problem and not yours. You have the responsibility as the adult guardian of her to assure that she is best provided for. When she turns 18 then she can have control over this money unless it is a trust set up in a different manner. If she is concerned about how the money is used perhaps you could sit with her and help her set up additional accounts to save for college or for other things she wants to save for. But that you still have ultimate control of the money as that is your responsibility as her parent.

[Sandi]

I'm not sure what the whole story is here with your daughter but why is she getting SS checks to begin with?
It's hard to do but speaking from personal experience if she's not living at home and wants to be a grown up, then let her. And stop paying her bills.
My 17 year old son is finding out the hard way that it's not as much fun as he thought.