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Old 01-09-2008, 07:54 PM   #1
scout52
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I can't stop crying.
Last week i received a horrible phone that my grandfather almost died. they took him to the er just in time. He has high blood pressure and he gets fluid buildup if he doesn't take his medicine. which what happened. He had fluid in his lungs around his heart and in his legs. He even went into renal failure.

He is better now but I can't stop crying at random times. I don't know if its guilt about living across the country and he is in ny or because they didn't call me until hours later. And i keep thinking that if he didn't get better i couldn't have gotten there in time to say goodbye.

I know he is better now so i dont know why i keep bursting into tears. He always said he was proud of me but now i am just feel so wrong being so far away from him. He was my second father so much so that I called him Papa. I dont know what to do to stop the crying fits. i dont even understand why i am. Logically I know he is better. So why I am still crying?

thanks for letting me get this out. you guys are always so supportive.
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Old 01-09-2008, 08:42 PM   #2
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Oh, Scout!

There are probably many reasons why you are crying. You came very close to losing him, so that, in itself, is plenty reason for your tears. You may also be anticipating what is to come. That is something we all worry about with loved ones.

My husband used to cry a lot when he thought about losing his grandfather -- a man he idolized and spent countless hours with. I think he simply feared losing this wonderful man.

Hang in there and relish the joy of him being ALIVE. Write him a letter or record a message for him on a CD or DVD. Just share with him that you love him. You may not be able to spend much time with him, but I'm sure he's very aware of your love for him.

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Old 01-09-2008, 08:45 PM   #3
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*hugs* It sounds like you're in shock - it's a normal emotional response, so don't worry about it unduly. You got an emotional blow, things shifted under your feet, and it takes some time to process it. For that time, you'll be bursting into tears and getting irrational guilt and other such things, but it will pass. Don't beat yourself up too much, and make sure you give yourself time to ride this wave. Your mind needs time to adjust.

Be kind to yourself, *hugs*
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Old 01-09-2008, 08:47 PM   #4
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So sorry for the scare. And I imagine that is part of the reason you're still crying...the reality of his mortality hit home in a very big way. Same thing happened to me when my dad had a stroke. It's one thing to "know" that you're loved one is aging and in ill health and could potentially die... it's a whole other thing to run smack into it. Also, you quickly start running over in your mind all the bad things you did, said, etc. to the person in the past and all the things you didn't/haven't done/said and you feel the potential lack of time to do those things and start feeling guilty that you didn't/haven't done them yet and might not get the chance to do them. And you start wondering if they know how much you love them, how grateful you are, etc. But don't worry, hon, I bet he understands.

Just remember, guilt over living your life, a life he helped you build, is not a good gift to give him. Call him and tell him how much you love him...make him realize that he's a very important part of your life and that you wouldn't be the person you are without having had him in your life. I know from experience (both on the receiving and giving end) that having someone tell you that is the greatest gift in the world. Remember, your telling him that validates his role in your life and proves to him that he did his job well...he's raised a loving, caring person who's definitely a credit to him and an asset to society. What (grand)parent wouldn't feel ten feet tall knowing that...knowing they've been successful at the hardest job in the universe??

And take a deep breath...realize that it could and may happen but that it is a natural part of life...that you'll never "lose" him...you'll always have each other in your hearts and in your memories. Also, the greatest demonstration of love to a parent is to be the best person you can be and living a full and happy life yourself.

Hope the tears stop soon.
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Old 01-09-2008, 09:14 PM   #5
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Thank you all for you words of support. I think you guys are right. it is facing the fact that he is aging and his mortality that is scaring me. He is only 70 so this was so unexpected. I don't know what i would do without this board.
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Old 01-09-2008, 11:19 PM   #6
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Aww Scout.
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Old 01-10-2008, 12:08 AM   #7
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I'm so sorry to hear. It's completely understandable that you continue to cry. We don't like to ever think of losing our loved ones and if we do, we tend to assure ourselves that that's still a long ways away, however, when you are unexpectedly faced with the knowledge that that long ways away isn't necessarily so far away, it's too much to bear.

I was very close with my grandpa and when I lost him that was the first time I had ever lost anyone close to me. We knew for a while he didn't have much time left; he had cancer and it was deteriorating him so quickly. I made sure, in that time, to express to him (though he already knew), just how much I love him and appreciate everything he had done for me. I was fortunate enough to see him shortly before he died and again told him just how much love him. That was almost 10 years ago and I still find myself, on occasion, crying just as hard as I did the day he passed away.

It's never easy when we come to terms with the fact that we will have to say our goodbyes, however, he will always be with you no matter what...in your heart and your memories.
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Old 01-10-2008, 06:08 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by yarnrainbow View Post
So sorry for the scare. And I imagine that is part of the reason you're still crying...the reality of his mortality hit home in a very big way. Same thing happened to me when my dad had a stroke. It's one thing to "know" that you're loved one is aging and in ill health and could potentially die... it's a whole other thing to run smack into it. Also, you quickly start running over in your mind all the bad things you did, said, etc. to the person in the past and all the things you didn't/haven't done/said and you feel the potential lack of time to do those things and start feeling guilty that you didn't/haven't done them yet and might not get the chance to do them. And you start wondering if they know how much you love them, how grateful you are, etc. But don't worry, hon, I bet he understands.

Just remember, guilt over living your life, a life he helped you build, is not a good gift to give him. Call him and tell him how much you love him...make him realize that he's a very important part of your life and that you wouldn't be the person you are without having had him in your life. I know from experience (both on the receiving and giving end) that having someone tell you that is the greatest gift in the world. Remember, your telling him that validates his role in your life and proves to him that he did his job well...he's raised a loving, caring person who's definitely a credit to him and an asset to society. What (grand)parent wouldn't feel ten feet tall knowing that...knowing they've been successful at the hardest job in the universe??

And take a deep breath...realize that it could and may happen but that it is a natural part of life...that you'll never "lose" him...you'll always have each other in your hearts and in your memories. Also, the greatest demonstration of love to a parent is to be the best person you can be and living a full and happy life yourself.

Hope the tears stop soon.
This is some very good advice!!! Losing someone you love is a very difficulty thing but also a very natural thing, especially as our loved ones start to age. I agree 70 is not very old these days. Unfortunately we don't get to pick the time or the age.
But it is a wake up call to you that someday you will lose your grandfather, hopefully not for a very long time. By doing all you can now to show him that you love him when the time comes you will be able to have a peace about it.
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Old 01-10-2008, 08:01 AM   #9
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So sorry for the recent near miss! And everyone above has given good advice. Call him often, write, let him know how much you love him and miss him while you live so far away---he already knows but would love to hear you say it.
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Old 01-10-2008, 08:27 AM   #10
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It's shock and perfectly natural so don't worry about it. My granddad died on Sunday very suddenly and I feel terrible that I wasn't there to say goodbye.

Maybe you could talk to him over the phone or write him a nice long letter, it might make you feel better.
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