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Old 01-18-2008, 05:51 PM   #1
knittingymnast
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Knitting "Friend"
Hi there everyone!
I had a very good friend that "knitted when she was little", but was so amazed when she knitted "her first stitch"! Also, she has taken to taking my needles and not giving them back. I think 3 pairs are now living at her house. I want them back because they are my good needles. She expects me to teach her every technique I learn and will constantly bug/pester/nag me until she gets her way.
Today she made me frog the hat I was making her because she didn't like the colors anymore. I will never EVER knit for that little pest ever again!
What ticks me off even more is that her "best friend" tells me that I should knit for her because it is a skill that not many people have. (She knits too, but not as well as I do and has never tried anything harder than a scarf. ) What should I do?
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:08 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by knittingymnast View Post
Hi there everyone!
I had a very good friend that "knitted when she was little", but was so amazed when she knitted "her first stitch"! Also, she has taken to taking my needles and not giving them back. I think 3 pairs are now living at her house. I want them back because they are my good needles. She expects me to teach her every technique I learn and will constantly bug/pester/nag me until she gets her way.
Today she made me frog the hat I was making her because she didn't like the colors anymore. I will never EVER knit for that little pest ever again!
What ticks me off even more is that her "best friend" tells me that I should knit for her because it is a skill that not many people have. (She knits too, but not as well as I do and has never tried anything harder than a scarf. ) What should I do?
I'd get my needles back pronto, by telling her I will be driving her to the nearest Walmart, and helping her buy her own needles. I'd bug/pester/nag her until she gave me my needles back.
I'd tell her best friend to knit for this gal, and refer them to this website for any questions about knitting.
Knitting is supposed to be enjoyable, autonomous, and done only when you want to, I think. Stand up for yourself, and, over a plate of cookies, tell her you will now be bowing out of knitting anything more for her, since you believe she will benefit much more by learning for herself.
Tell her you like her, even when you aren't knitting for her. Guide her about what tools and yarn to buy.
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:18 PM   #3
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You are such a nice person to teach someone to knit! I don't have the patience to do that - our session would probably end up with us going to the ER because the blundt end of a pointy stick would be sticking out of their heads.

Next time you want to teach someone to knit, please do not give them your "nice needles". That is the fastest way to lose something you cherish. Please go directly to your nearest craft store, local department store w/craft section or eBay and help them get needles that way. A good way to retrieve them is go have a 'lesson' at your friends house. Don't be afraid to be politely assertive and reclaim them. If it were me, I would say something to the effect of "I need my needles back, so let's go to the store so you can buy yourself some BRAND NEW ones". You don't have to mention WHY you need them back. After all, they are yours and if they are your favorite needles .. you probably mentioned it to your 'friend' and she knows how you value them.

Sorry for the speech .. people that refuse to return borrowed goods really get my goat!
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:30 PM   #4
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first of all, i didn't give her my nice needles!! she STOLE them!! and plus, I don't and am not allowed to legally drive... yet
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Old 01-18-2008, 07:11 PM   #5
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Well, Sweetie, since you're so young, I'm assuming your friend is young, too, and we'll try to figure it out from there.

First, where do you see her? At school? You say she's asking you to teach her ever technique you're learning--where is that happening? Is she taking your needles at that time?

Basically, whenever you see her next, I'd say something like, "Suzie, I really need to get my three sets of needles back now. If you don't have them with you, please bring them on ________ (whenever you expect to see her next) so that I can get my supplies organized."

If she's telling you you have to frog a perfectly good piece of knitting because she doesn't like the colors, you say, "I'm sorry, but I like them, and there's nothing wrong with this hat. If you don't want it, I'll wear it myself or give it to someone who appreciates my efforts." You don't need to be rude, but you certainly can be firm.

And stand my your resolve not to mess with knitting for her again. Let her knit things for herself. Give her the phone number to the LYS or Michael's or JoAnn's where they have knitting classes and let her learn by herself.

Hope that helps.


Oh...and if she doesn't give the needles back, could your parents get involved? I know I like my teens to handle their own conflicts, but I'm not opposed to helping out if necessary.
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Old 01-18-2008, 07:20 PM   #6
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Quote:
I know I like my teens to handle their own conflicts, but I'm not opposed to helping out if necessary.
I agree, maybe she needs a little boot from her parent(s) to get her going in the right direction.

It's a bad idea, even though a nice one, to ever loan out things you'll want back. My husband and I have 'lost' a lot of books over the years that way.
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Old 01-18-2008, 07:48 PM   #7
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thank you guys so much for the support

Lisa, she does happen to go to my school. I bring my knitting bag to school every day (the teachers are nice enough to let us knit in class) and she found out that I knit and got furious. Before, she was my friend. Now, not so much. She saw that I was knitting in the round, begs, begs, BEGS for me to teach her. Didn't happen. She got ticked off at me and now I knit socks (sort of ) and she thinks I should knit her some too. Not gunna happen. Thanks again.
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Old 01-18-2008, 08:50 PM   #8
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There's a saying - if you lend a friend 20 and never see them again, it was worth the 20. I think that may be what's happened here - if I were in your position, given my nature (but it might not be right for you), I'd try explaining that you want your needles back and that you have your own knitting to do for yourself and for people who appreciate it. If she still acts like she is now, which to me is no kind of friend, then I'd cut my losses, buy new needles and have as little to do with her as you can, since any attempt to get them back will probably just end in aggravation and pain.

I hope it works out for you - friends like that just aren't worth the hassle. Enjoy your knitting, and find some people who will appreciate the work you do *hugs*
Fi xxx
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Old 01-18-2008, 09:18 PM   #9
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I'm SO glad I'm not a teen anymore! It's kind of cool they let you knit in class tho!
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Old 01-18-2008, 09:42 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by willowangel View Post
There's a saying - if you lend a friend 20 and never see them again, it was worth the 20. I think that may be what's happened here - if I were in your position, given my nature (but it might not be right for you), I'd try explaining that you want your needles back and that you have your own knitting to do for yourself and for people who appreciate it. If she still acts like she is now, which to me is no kind of friend, then I'd cut my losses, buy new needles and have as little to do with her as you can, since any attempt to get them back will probably just end in aggravation and pain.

I hope it works out for you - friends like that just aren't worth the hassle. Enjoy your knitting, and find some people who will appreciate the work you do *hugs*
Fi xxx
That just might work Fi. Thank you all so much for the support. I will have to put up with her for the rest of the year. I will continue to knit away and hopefully not frog and will ignore her (hopefully) until she switches schools in the fall.

I will surely use that saying in the future. Thanks again!
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