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Old 12-28-2009, 05:55 PM   #11411
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Originally Posted by knit2btied View Post
Gina, better to find out now then to find out down the road. I have actually been where you are now. My DD did marry an Indian, and we did go through the stuff. The thing about that culture is that they believe that it is disrespectful to say anything to you that you won't like. They actually believe that they are showing you more respect if they tell a lie than to say a hard truth. Thus, it can be difficult to get really well acquainted with them.

As for his bowing to his parents wishes, that will never cease to be. In India, there is no social security system. They believe that their son is their social security. DD needs to understand that as long as she is okay with having his parents very up-close and personal in their lives things will be okay. She can probably not marry him and expect any kind of separation between him and his parents. Ever. It's just not the way the culture they are from works.

I know I'm not exactly encouraging you here. I'm debating the wisdom of seeming to be trying to throw fuel on the flames. Please trust me that is not what I'm hoping for here. If your DD is happy with this man, I'm sure he is worthy of her love. If she has any doubts, better to deal with them now.

If you want/need to know more you can PM me. I'm going to stop here and pray that God close or open my mouth as He and you would have me to, and not just unload about my own experiences with the Indian culture.

Blessings.
Good to know, that'd be enough to scare me miles away!
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Old 12-29-2009, 11:39 PM   #11412
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Ok well I haven't seen anyone posting in the last couple days so I hope all is well with you all. In visiting with my knitting neighbor tonight I decided that (not knitting related) since my feet are always so dang cold when I go to bed, even if I 've had wool socks and slippers on, that I need a foot wamer too. She's going to make one for her hubby. I found a pattern to sew if anyone's interested, here's the link. Pretty simple, you need 2 dishtowls and 4 cups corn, I'll probably use rice though, I have no need for a 50# bag of feed corn.

As for knitting news, I haven't been doing much, started a clapotis for my Mom today, but realized quickly that it would be much better to have some wood straight needles as the kp options are very slippery for that pattern and the malabrigo lace yarn... question is will I order some kp wood ones and wait to start the project or go to the lys and spend 4 times the $ and get some lantern moon needles? or go to Michaels and get the cheapest clover needles? Not sure yet, but I'll keep you posted.

Hope everyone is doing good, talk toyou later.

QOTD What will be your first knitting project or FO for 2010?
I think I'll be doing Mom's Clapotis, and I've ordered enough chunky yarn to make myself 2 sweaters! Owls and then another plain raglan sweater, I'm excited. I haven't knit myself a sweater yet, well unless the pink green gable counts?
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Old 12-30-2009, 12:00 AM   #11413
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Knit2B, I DO want to know more! Please PM me or post here whatever you think would help. The longer they're engaged, the more I do NOT want this wedding to happen. I don't want to alienate my daughter, but I also don't want her married to this man. There are things that just make me not trust him.

Jess, you can often get free TVs on Freecycle. You may need to join the group in your area, but since you have cable, you don't need an HDTV and the old style CRT might work great for you.

Hi to the rest of you! We still haven't heard from Beazer. They'll be getting a call from DH 1st thing in the morning.
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Old 12-30-2009, 02:30 PM   #11414
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Gina How'd the phone call to Beazer go? did they answer? Still praying for you to be able to hint to Em. that she shouldn't do this.
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:12 PM   #11415
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Beazer said they were drafting a letter telling us what they will do. That's better than a no, so we'll see what the letter says!
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:19 PM   #11416
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To all of my knitting family: I wish each and every one of you health, happiness, love, laughter, joy and peace in 2010.

May the best of your 2009 be the worst of your 2010.
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Old 12-30-2009, 06:36 PM   #11417
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Openly religious post. May cause discomfort...
Gina, can you get your daughter to find out about possible children ahead of time? I'm not sure that he will be honest for the reasons stated before, but she may be able to capture a hint of what may be to come.

There is a good reason why Indian men seek wives elsewhere. They really do still practice genocide as strange as that seems to us. Apparently it has to do with their economic system of their son being responsible for them in their older age. It sounds like your SIL is from a higher caste and may be able to get away with more than one child if DD wants. OTT, any pregnancy with a female child may well be terminated or if carried to term, put up for adoption. Eventually, if she has not already done so, you can probably expect for your SIL's mother to approach you with a discretely worded blessing that you have other children (ie) a son to care for you, and that your DD will be their family. (Or something to that effect)

I know it is never fair to judge an entire ethnic group on the basis of one or even two, but once the I dos were said in DD's case the threats began. It was really scary as he was a very quiet and soft-spoken man, but he began to tell her of some of the things he could legally do once he got her home to India. (where a woman is property with no human rights of her own)

Of course, if your SIL's family lives here, there may be no threat of them ever going back to the middle east. I really don't want to have you living in fear. As always, with our children, for you to openly oppose this marriage/man will push her farther into his arms. This may well be a "shut-up-and-pray" season for you and for your DH. We really can trust God to hold our daughters in his hand and protect them.

Sorry for the book, but I asked DD if she had advice. Here is what she said:

Well.......my only advice is.....RUN!!! No, I'm kidding...don't say that. That culture is full of strong holds and demonic influence of every kind. But what to tell a young lady in love...??? I think the only thing that could be said to her is that the Bible strongly discourages marrying outside of one's religious beliefs...this is for OUR protection, not b/c God doesn't want us to be happy, or doesn't understand this relationship, this love. GOD is LOVE and he is the author of relationships. If we take the picture of Christ and his "bride" shown us in the Bible and mimic that, there is no way that her union to said Indian would be tolerable. She is avoiding the advice of mom, loved ones, and most importantly her SAVIOR that is only to protect her. I know from her situation she cannot see that clearly, but breaking off something now is less complicated and less painful than later...with years behind them, children between them...etc. The outcome cannot be anything less than painful. Even if they are "compatible" by their or the world's standards...it is not possible to be "equally yoked", if you will. Therefore making a marriage the way God intends impossible. I have done it both ways...and boy, there is truly a world of difference. A man that does not believe SOLELY in God CANNOT be a Godly spiritual head of the house, leaving the girl and her future children unprotected spiritually. Also, if their marriage lasts, she will be either drawn from God, or seeking Him alone b/c the Indian young man will not devote himself to one God. There is more, I'm sure...but I hope this helps...

Me again... I guess the main concern here from DD viewpoint is the ONE God part. The Indian culture is just not open to that concept. I know you said your SIL is not hindu, but just the very accepted hindu religion has something like 100 thousand possible gods. (Or is it 250 thousand, I've forgotten) Our SIL also claimed to be a believer in our God to get DD to marry him. Within weeks after their marriage he was again fasting on Tuesdays, (hindu practice) practicing the not eating of meat etc that goes with his religion. They are taught from a really young age the concept of religious tolerance in embracing as many gods as possible.

I sure hope that I'm really, really wrong in all of this, and that your DD's young man is all he claims to be. In our case it only took the first pregnancy for the marriage to be all but over. Our little Indian princess was not put out for adoption, (causing the end of the marriage) and I really can not fathom our lives without her. Now her mother is married to a man who actually believes in God, and the little princess' physical daddy has signed her over for her step-dad to adopt her. (A happier ending all round, in my opinion!)

Holding you and yours in His hand, and hoping for the very best.

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Old 12-30-2009, 06:48 PM   #11418
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Originally Posted by jberry16 View Post
She's going to make one for her hubby. I found a pattern to sew if anyone's interested, here's the link. Pretty simple, you need 2 dishtowls and 4 cups corn, I'll probably use rice though, I have no need for a 50# bag of feed corn.
I have made those several times for charity functions. I wouldn't even waste the towels, just cut some suitable material and sew it together. Our last ones were made with an inner bag of cotton and the outer bag of flannel. They came out really nice. You don't actually have to invest in the 50 pound bag. We can go to our local co-op and just get a little if we want. I do buy the big bags for mass production.

By using rice, you are getting out of having to wash the corn, but you'll need a tightly woven material for them. Most folks doing rice bags double bag them because the rice is small enough to work its way out through the material. I'm betting you'll love it when its done. (With rice, you can also freeze it for a soft ice-pak)

Happy sewing!
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:44 AM   #11419
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Originally Posted by knit2btied View Post
As always, with our children, for you to openly oppose this marriage/man will push her farther into his arms. This may well be a "shut-up-and-pray" season for you and for your DH. We really can trust God to hold our daughters in his hand and protect them.
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Thank you SO MUCH for your input. Right now, we are taking the "Shut up and pray" approach. I've forwarded your info to DH and we may talk to her tomorrow. Or after the fiance leaves for Dallas. He's moving there for an internship and she's staying here for student teaching.
She's asking right now what the wedding budget is. I don't even want there to BE a wedding.
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:54 AM   #11420
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Originally Posted by G J View Post
Thank you SO MUCH for your input. Right now, we are taking the "Shut up and pray" approach. I've forwarded your info to DH and we may talk to her tomorrow. Or after the fiance leaves for Dallas. He's moving there for an internship and she's staying here for student teaching.
She's asking right now what the wedding budget is. I don't even want there to BE a wedding.
What you are in is one of the most difficult experiences of parenting. That is to passively watch as your children make decisions that you may or may not agree with.

I offer you my virtual HUGS!

PS You have put all you could into raising her to make sound decisions on her own. Hold on to that with all of your might! (smile)
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