Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-15-2008, 06:32 PM   #1
VictoiseC
Instepping Out
 
VictoiseC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Manhattan / Catskills that's cats kills!
Posts: 2,402
Thanks: 25
Thanked 83 Times in 74 Posts
How do you talk to a sister who is abusive all the time?
Whew. Wow. Once again, my complete day was ruined because I took a phone call from my sister.
I just can't figure out what to do anymore.

Some of you might have read how my niece (my sister's daughter) got thrown in a center for girls right before Christmas. My sister has been drinking like crazy (during the day) and taking pills for a few years now.
It just got worse and worse after her divorce.

When I try to REMAIN CALM and just talk to her, it builds and builds until she is yelling at me about things I did 30 years ago when I was young and crazy (she is 44) and telling me I did heroin and I am in denial about being happily married. All kinds of complete lies. She's not making sense anymore and I just can't figure out... if I take the call I'm shaking and so upset I can't function well. My life is so peaceful with the new designing I'm doing in my knitting, I'm so happy about it but none of my family cares, they just want to talk about this sister whose husband is an evil demon (he's not).

I dunno. Do you just stop talking to a relative who is abusive and screaming at you? ? ? ?
__________________
v.i.c.t.o.i.s.e.




VictoiseC is offline   Reply With Quote

 

This advertising will not be shown to registered members. Join our free online community today!

Old 02-15-2008, 06:35 PM   #2
auburnchick
Grafting the Toe
 
auburnchick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,382
Thanks: 3,280
Thanked 2,085 Times in 1,688 Posts
Hang up. You don't deserve to be treated like that. If you have caller ID, don't answer for a while. Try writing her a note. She won't be able to argue with you that way. And keep on loving her, despite how she treats you.
__________________
Nathalie - AuburnChick's Adventures

Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers. -- Isaac Asimov
auburnchick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2008, 06:42 PM   #3
VictoiseC
Instepping Out
 
VictoiseC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Manhattan / Catskills that's cats kills!
Posts: 2,402
Thanks: 25
Thanked 83 Times in 74 Posts
Thanks Auburn. I hung up the other night when she was screaming about heroin for some reason... then today my husband said I should talk to her. He always does, "you're the big sister" ha And then it starts all over again. I am so sick of it. I do love her. Thanks.
__________________
v.i.c.t.o.i.s.e.




VictoiseC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2008, 06:43 PM   #4
auburnchick
Grafting the Toe
 
auburnchick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,382
Thanks: 3,280
Thanked 2,085 Times in 1,688 Posts
__________________
Nathalie - AuburnChick's Adventures

Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers. -- Isaac Asimov
auburnchick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2008, 06:44 PM   #5
angel4ever
 
Posts: n/a


You may have to step back and reexamine what all this is doing for you.

Yes that is your sister and you want to be there for her. BUT you do NOT have to take any abuse of any kind. Not even from a family member. I often say that family can often be worse than friends. Sometimes family members know that they can pull any stunt they want and others will be tolerant because "it's family". I had to step back from my sister and mother because of the stunts they would pull (long, long story). Their issues would leave me feeling awful and I allowed it. Not anymore. They still try to pull little things here and there but they know I'm not going to deal with it. I have my own life, my husband, and my career. I'm not going to let them ruin what I worked so damn hard for.

For your health and sanity, try to keep knitting and just slowly step out of her "craziness". Offer outside resources for help, but don't get caught up in it. She's a big girl. She can take care of her self.

I hope that all will eventually improve for you.
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2008, 06:50 PM   #6
Jan in CA
Moderator
Mod Squad
 
Jan in CA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Southern CA
Posts: 37,337
Thanks: 1,682
Thanked 8,797 Times in 7,157 Posts
I would calmly tell her that you don't deserve to be treated like this and unless she can talk to you in a civil manner you are going to hang up. Then do so if she doesn't calm down. I would do this every time you end up talking to her. Your husband has his heart in the right place, but he's not living it so you'll have to be patient with him if you can.
__________________
Jan

When asking questions ALWAYS post the name and a link for the pattern if you have it.

NEW! KH knitting video archive
~HOW TO POST A PHOTO~

Jan in CA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2008, 06:58 PM   #7
The.Knitter
Instepping Out
 
The.Knitter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada.
Posts: 3,297
Thanks: 2,831
Thanked 1,611 Times in 1,187 Posts
I agree with Jan.

You don't have to put up with abuse, no matter who it comes from. You have the power to stop it. Just calmly explain to her that (and these words are important) YOU FEEL that the conversation is getting out of control and that you will be FORCED to hang up if she does not calm down. If she still won't calm down, hang up. Keep doing it, BE CONSISTENT! Sooner or later she will get the message.

Mixing alcohol and drugs brings out all the worst character traits in a person. Their addictions are eating at them and they are unhappy so everyone around them is made to feel unhappy too. Don't allow that.

Best of luck with your sister!
__________________
I love to give homemade gifts... which one of my kids do you want?
Christine


Find our "Canadian Oddball Blanket KAL" on Ravelry as: OddballBlankets

The.Knitter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2008, 07:47 PM   #8
Knitting_Guy
Grafting the Toe
 
Knitting_Guy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Following the white rabbit
Posts: 4,992
Thanks: 2,318
Thanked 1,130 Times in 832 Posts
Easy, ya hang up.
__________________
Mason

What do you mean guys don't knit?

Linux: because a PC is a terrible thing to waste.

Perfection is overrated. Knitting is meant to relieve stress, not cause it. Relax and enjoy it.

My boring blog http://masonm.joeuser.com

My knitting blog
http://knittingguy.blogspot.com/

My New Home Page (work in progress)
http://www.gpstrucker.000hosted.com

Knitting_Guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-16-2008, 08:49 AM   #9
willowangel
Knitting the Flap
 
willowangel's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
Posts: 455
Thanks: 224
Thanked 111 Times in 86 Posts
I'm a huge believer in the idea that family are family when they act like it, and if they abuse you then they don't deserve the tag. A few transgressions here and there are to be expected, but when a family member is toxic to you and does more damage than good, then they have forfeited the right to your good nature. You obviously love her, but that doesn't make it ok, and you can still love her while taking a step back and letting her do her own thing. When she starts yelling, as the others have said, hang up and don't take repeat calls for a bit. There seems to be very little you can realistically do for her, so taking the abuse is pointless. Let her do her own thing, be there for her if she decides to get her life together, but otherwise give yourself a break. Someone being family doesn't give them the right to treat you like ****, and she has to learn that.

I hope you're able to work things out with her, but if not, don't be hard on yourself for it *hugs*
Fi xxx
__________________
New blog! http://thewildatheartkeptincages.blogspot.com/
willowangel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-16-2008, 10:43 AM   #10
Nikkilc
1st Leg of the Journey
 
Nikkilc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Herts UK
Posts: 227
Thanks: 115
Thanked 94 Times in 75 Posts
__________________


nikkiknit
Nikkilc is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Talk about last min..... lissaplus2 General Knitting 5 12-20-2009 11:32 AM
I am so sad... my sister... jennylozano The Lounge 34 02-20-2008 08:04 AM
3 year old boy, work full time, school full time..but i found time for this!! Buddha_Mom What'cha Knittin'? 22 11-29-2007 04:34 PM
Someone talk me into this !!! spooky General Knitting 16 08-28-2006 12:09 PM
Talk me down... snephenie General Knitting 16 06-28-2006 03:55 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:51 PM.