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Old 03-07-2008, 04:21 PM   #11
domiknitrix
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Relationships are hard. Especially when your partner isn't trying to help out.
As someone said before vent often. Journaling has always helped me in my darkest hours. Sometimes, you need to say something to someone who will not judge - good ole paper and pen are nice companions.
Good luck
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Old 03-07-2008, 05:14 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by fibrenut View Post
OOOO happy,
I soooo feel for ya hun!!! I too went through that with my EX!!!
I have 7 kids all within ten years age difference and nope he wouldn't help with the housework or the discipline. He would just go to work, come home, eat dinner n fall asleep in his easy chair. Then when I did say something, he would act like I had never mentioned it before. Bah- humbug!!!!!

I think the straw that broke the camels back was when I had to have emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed (they had to do the full on operation not just the laparascopic one). So I was in the hospital for a week (talk about ahhhhh, peace n quiet). I get out of the hospital and it was just like nothing had happened. Hell I didn't even have my stitches out yet and was pretty much forced to work like there was nothing wrong with me. Can we say, what the hell?
Now at the time all my kids were under 14 and I had 3 under the age of 7 also. I had had enough. I knew that if I stuck around much longer my sanity and me would be like ummm, gone (as in not breathing gone). Talk about major depression.

So, (now don't ya'll go whippin out the tar n feathers here), I left. I didn't know where I was gonna live nor if I would have a decent job. Not to mention, the kids had a roof over their heads and their dad had a good job. So the kids stayed with their dad.
I said all that to say this, I don't know if you will make the same very hard decisions I did, or you will be able to work this out with your husband, but I do know what you are going through and just how hard it is. I stuck it out for 16 years before I finally said that's enough!!

As of today, I am remarried to a wonderful man who really, in my opinion, has been more of a father figure to the kids than their real dad. The three youngest now live with me and are all in highschool. The older ones all have great jobs and are going to college. And I have two of the most beautiful grandbabies anyone could ask for.

It just took a very hard decision to decide that my kids needed their parents to both be happy and that I am responsible for my own happiness and no one else.
I hope this helps. I don't tell this to a lot of people, probably because I figure I would be judged unfairly. But I told ya'll this to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel.
NO TAR AND FEATHERS JUST ONE BIB
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Old 03-07-2008, 06:11 PM   #13
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Oh, my, you poor thing.
Been there, done that.

Take heart, sometimes husbands turn into MEN, instead of being
little boys, and take responsibilities on.

It's awful being taken for granted. I feel for you.
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Old 03-07-2008, 06:14 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by auburnchick View Post
I had to hold myself back and not do things...just so they would learn.
Good advice. I did that, too.
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Old 03-07-2008, 06:15 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Demonica View Post


Just don't let your happiness get lost in the mess of things.
It won't get lost. It will re-surface, when the coast is clear.

Happiness stays with us, no matter what. The hardships of life might temporarily darken it, but, it will come back for her.
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Old 03-07-2008, 06:43 PM   #16
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Try to see if your kids will help out some more. They are older now and may be able to. They may be more willing to help you than your husband who may have a sense of entitlement and many kids still want to please their moms even in the teenage years. I truly hope you find some happiness and some peace. Your home should not be a place of pain.
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Old 03-07-2008, 06:57 PM   #17
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Oh you poor thing. You'll make the right decision for you when you know its right. We'll be here for you

Hope yer sons are learning from this experience
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Old 03-07-2008, 07:41 PM   #18
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to you ! Hopefully you can work through this with your kids. I haven't been married 2 yrs yet and in that short period of time I have learned marriage is hard and sucks at times. My parents made it look sooo easy. The hubby was an only child who did NOTHING for himself so he really doesn't get why I want dishes done before I go to bed and want bathrooms etc sccrubbed every weekend. Most of the time if I point things out he does help, but there are times he acts more like a child and can't clean the shower b/c then he wouldn't have time to play with whatever. Sometimes I have to tell him - we can't do activity A until you do your chores. I am hoping I get him trained good before we have children : ) Part of the reason we got 2 dogs - turns out he is very good at cleaning up vomit and diaharea in the middle of the night !!
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Old 03-07-2008, 07:46 PM   #19
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OH yeah
I forgot to mention - I second the journalling. I took that up years ago while going through some issues and have stuck with it. There are times I get up in the middle of the night to get soemthing off my chest. I write it and put it away - most of the time it helps.
Also, I don't know your religious background, but I find that church as always been there for me. When I really need a non-judgemental "family" the clergy or someone else is always there to listen and always so glad to see you and give you a hug.
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Old 03-07-2008, 08:34 PM   #20
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I'm sorry you are going through all this. All I can say is he should help more and I don't know how you can put up with it. I feel very fortunate in that I have a wonderful husband who helps with everything.

But one comment;
Quote:
...he tells my oldest which is my 15 yr old son who could not boil a cup of water to fix something.
Don't let your 15 y/o or your other boys turn out the same. Men are more often than not taught their behavior by their parents. In fact look at how your husbands parents conduct their lives...it might look familiar.

Bring the boys into the kitchen to help cooking along with the girls. If this is successful you will have some new helpers. My 13 year old son can fix a simple dinner and help with parts of more complicated dinners. He can unload a dishwasher and sort of load one, he's been learning to do laundry too. He vacuums also. He doesn't do these things perfectly but he does them! I consider this essential training for adulthood. My brothers were similarly taught to do household things....and it's a good thing too. One of my brothers works full time, his wife is schizophrenic and unable to work. She also does very little around the house d/t her illness, so he pretty much does it all plus he has to deal with her erratic behavior. They have no children but he has difficulties similar to yours.

I hope things get better and you get a break.
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