Opinions..

[knitncook]

I agree that your SO should go. It's sad though that your step-ds doesn't see you as an important part of his father's life. I wonder if you would be "uninvited" if you were actually married. I truly don't understand the whole "ex-spouse" issues. My dh's parents have been divorced for almost 30 years. THIRTY years and my MIL still hates my FIL and won't be in the same room with him unless there are a million people between them. At our wedding (which was *very* small - about 20 people total including the two of us) she spent the entire time glaring at him. Even in the picture of us with his parents she has a sour angry look on her face. He has always tried to be kind to her over the years. When she was recently diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer he went to see her at the hospital to take her the alimony check (that she still recieves and he has written out faithfully for thirty years) She wouldn't look at him or anything. They had three kids together and he still respects her as the mother of his children, but she was just so mean and spiteful. She told one of my BIL's to tell him to never see her again ever. While their marriage wasn't perfect, they both had major faults and their divorce was a *good* thing. I truly think that she is so mean because he has found happiness and remarried (twice in fact - his second wife died and he's since remarried - at 85 years old!) She's still lonely and bitter. :(

[GinnyG]

Oh Michelle, what a sad sad story. What an honorable man your FIL is, to have so many years of anger dumped on him and still try to do the "right" thing.

But you hit the nail on the head, it isn't ME that is the problem. It is the fact that Doug (my SO) has moved on with his life and found happiness. His ex is alone and bitter, even all these years late. She looks at my presence as a reminder of that I am certain.

[saracidaltendencies]

I agree with all the advice given. I do think you should encourage him to go...You never know how his absence will be taken on the other side and they may indeed try to pin the blame on you, though, you're absolutely NOT at fault.

I too think if he doesn't go he may one day regret it. Maybe just let your SO know you fully understand the situation, and, while it does hurt you, you don't want it to cause a problem, and, you will most likely have a better time dealing with not being invited than his son would by his father not attending his wedding.

My problem is, my SO now wants to boycott his own son's wedding. He said if I'm not invited he won't go. I think that is a mistake and while I am flattered by his loyalty I would not go now even if I were to be invited at this point.

I think he should just go to the wedding.

Your SO should go to his son's wedding.
And bring you back a big piece of wedding cake.

THIRTY years and my MIL still hates my FIL and won't be in the same room with him unless there are a million people between them. (

Sometimes people have a hard, hard time forgiving other people.
We r almost all different in how we perceive others.

[ArtLady1981]

Yes. Your SO should go to his son's wedding. The son is not boycotting you...he is thinking of his momma.

Ginny, are a big person, and I must say, I have a great deal of respect for you. Your SO must appreciate you so much!

If your SO doesn't go to the wedding, his son (and the entire family on that side) will blame YOU. Communicate this to your SO.
Tell your SO that it is best FOR YOU and FOR HIM and FOR THE SON if he goes to the wedding.

Someday, it will come back to bless you both.

And what a delicious day of yarn shopping you should have on the day of that wedding!

[Debkcs]

I too think he should go to the actual wedding ceremony, but maybe skip any reception. He will then always have the wedding to remember and I think his son would probably understand that decision.

This is where my thinking was going, and then what ArtLady said is true also, I think.

Why don't you have your SO read all our responses and see if he find it in his heart to honor this very special day in the life of his son.

[lelvsdgs]

Your SO should go to his son's wedding.
And bring you back a big piece of wedding cake.

And a party favor or three!