Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-19-2008, 08:40 AM   #1
GinnyG
Instepping Out
 
GinnyG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 2,452
Thanks: 654
Thanked 819 Times in 673 Posts
Opinions..
My "significant other" and I have lived together for 8 years. We are both divorced with kids. Our children are all adults and over the years both mine have gotten married.

He attended both weddings as my "partner" and there were no issues or problems with my ex. We have been divorced a long time.

His oldest son is getting married this June and I just found out that I am not invited to the wedding. His son doesn't want to make his Mother uncomfortable. Now, I have never met his Mother and don't know why I would make her uncomfortable (my SO and I got together YEARS after they were divorced) but it's his wedding and I think he has the right to invite who ever he wants.

My problem is, my SO now wants to boycott his own son's wedding. He said if I'm not invited he won't go. I think that is a mistake and while I am flattered by his loyalty I would not go now even if I were to be invited at this point.

I think he should just go to the wedding. Someday he may regret not going. My feelings are a little hurt at not being invited but he isn't MY son and it really is no big deal to me not to go.

Would you push him to go?
GinnyG is offline   Reply With Quote

 

This advertising will not be shown to registered members. Join our free online community today!

Old 03-19-2008, 08:45 AM   #2
Knitting_Guy
Grafting the Toe
 
Knitting_Guy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Following the white rabbit
Posts: 4,992
Thanks: 2,318
Thanked 1,130 Times in 832 Posts
Personally I understand how he feels, but it is his son and he should go.

I'm sure his son has his reasons, legitimate or not, for his decision.

Perhaps he should have a talk with his ex and ask her to talk to the son about this if she's willing. Perhaps that would put the son's mind at ease and allow everyone to be present for the nuptials.
__________________
Mason

What do you mean guys don't knit?

Linux: because a PC is a terrible thing to waste.

Perfection is overrated. Knitting is meant to relieve stress, not cause it. Relax and enjoy it.

My boring blog http://masonm.joeuser.com

My knitting blog
http://knittingguy.blogspot.com/

My New Home Page (work in progress)
http://www.gpstrucker.000hosted.com

Knitting_Guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2008, 08:49 AM   #3
GinnyG
Instepping Out
 
GinnyG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 2,452
Thanks: 654
Thanked 819 Times in 673 Posts
Thanks Mason.
Unfortunately he and his ex don't "talk" and although I don't know her I've heard alot about her over the years and have no doubt that she doesn't want me there.
Having been "mother of the groom" I know what an improtant day it is and if my being there makes her uncomfortable for what ever reason I don't want to be there.
I'm just so afraid my SO will deeply regret not going at some point.
GinnyG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2008, 09:21 AM   #4
iza
Turning the Heel
 
iza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 946
Thanks: 53
Thanked 222 Times in 178 Posts
Ginny, you are so good to deal with this the way you do!

Should you push him to go to the wedding? I think you're doing the right thing in convincing him to go. But ultimately, it's his decision. I guess he needs to talk about it with his son, and say how disappointed he is. And try to understand his motivations. Is it really to not make his mom uncomfortable? Did she even ask for this? Or is it because he has problems with the fact that his parents are divorced?

In any case, if it's at the mom's request, if your SO doesn't go and his son ends up being disappointed, it's very possible she will accuse YOU of ruining her son's wedding. Your SO just won't win anything by not going, in my opinion.
__________________
iza on ravelry!
My not so popular BLOG
iza is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2008, 09:43 AM   #5
mwhite
Instepping Out
 
mwhite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: SC
Posts: 2,559
Thanks: 1,000
Thanked 919 Times in 805 Posts
Yes, he should go and WILL regret even if he nevers admits it. You are very, very understanding and your SO is extremely fortunate to have you in his life! Kudos and great big, bright, shiney stars to you Ginny!

My husband had a beef with our daughter (his adopted daughter) when she was around 17 (who doesn't with kids that age?) and didn't attend her high school graduation. He does regret and there's no way for him to go back and change that. Please continue urging him gently how important it is to support his son. We have no earthly idea what an impact our absence makes until it's too late. His son might not take it the wrong way now but marriage is a major event in our lives and going will let him know that Dad is there for him. Yes, he's loyal to you but you've already come to terms and accepted.
__________________
Mary
custoMaryevents
I'm MWhite on Ravelry, too...add me to your friends
mwhite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2008, 10:00 AM   #6
Abbily
Instepping Out
 
Abbily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 2,996
Thanks: 458
Thanked 1,603 Times in 1,120 Posts
Ginny, I think you are right on the money, and he should definitely go. As you said, that's something he can't "undo" if he refuses to go.
__________________
Carey
Mommy to two wonderful girls

"I don't have to conform to the vagaries of time and space, I'm a loony!" -Campbell Bain (David Tennant) 'Takin' Over the Asylum'




OTN: Cabled Sweater, arm warmers, kids' clothes
Abbily is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2008, 10:16 AM   #7
sue in canada
Instepping Out
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ontario
Posts: 2,288
Thanks: 838
Thanked 1,871 Times in 1,270 Posts
I too think he should go to the actual wedding ceremony, but maybe skip any reception. He will then always have the wedding to remember and I think his son would probably understand that decision.
sue in canada is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2008, 11:10 AM   #8
msoebel
Turning the Heel
 
msoebel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 714
Thanks: 149
Thanked 143 Times in 93 Posts
I think you are a very smart woman. If he chooses not to go to the wedding now, on principle, he will regret it later. And who is to say that he won't harbor resentment against you later on?

Encourage him to go, realize that the non-invite wasn't actually about you (loyalties are so confusing when it comes to weddings), send a card or small gift and continue going about your life as the extremely well-adjusted individual that you are.
__________________
Misty

Be a light unto the world...not a bug zapper.
msoebel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2008, 12:42 PM   #9
GinnyG
Instepping Out
 
GinnyG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 2,452
Thanks: 654
Thanked 819 Times in 673 Posts
Thank you everyone for your support. I think I will just continue to gently encourage him to go. Maybe he will go to the ceremony and skip the reception. Someday he and his son will resolve their differences and if he doesn't go it will always be a "regret".

In the mean time I'll just plan something fun to do that day (go to my LYS and BUY YARN ) and just let it go!
GinnyG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2008, 03:12 PM   #10
lelvsdgs
Working the Gusset
 
lelvsdgs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Humboldt County CA
Posts: 1,366
Thanks: 1,016
Thanked 431 Times in 404 Posts
Yep, the SO should definitely go. He will regret it later and it could do damage to the father-son relationship, and you don't want that. It's sad that this even has to be an issue but I think you would be doing the right thing by getting your SO to go. You can always send a nice gift along and of course your best wishes.

And I vote for the trip to the LYS!!!! Much more fun anyway!
__________________


http://www.frappr.com/knittinghelp

Knitting is saving my sanity


OTN: Hats, hats and soon, socks!

FO:Hats-about 6 of them and a scarf for a coworker
lelvsdgs is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
SOS! Need your opinions... RuthieinMaryland General Knitting 34 10-31-2008 03:46 PM
Need Opinions Crycket General Knitting 10 03-12-2008 11:49 PM
New here and looking for some opinions wennim General Knitting 10 01-19-2008 10:22 PM
Opinions Please... Belphoebe General Knitting 2 06-25-2007 01:26 PM
Opinions Please ... ekgheiy General Knitting 7 03-22-2005 01:26 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:44 AM.