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Old 04-23-2008, 07:27 PM   #1
evona
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I am soooooo mad!!!!!!!!!!
I just have to vent!

My poor DD just called me in hysterics! This is the first year she's been away from home and in her loneliness she dated the wrong boy she finally broke it off with him, but she still was very sad and liked him a lot so I think she tried to keep in touch. Well, he started harassing her through e-mail. By the way she sounded when she called today (it was hard to make sense between sobs) he was being threatening so I told her to send me the e-mail so I can have some tangible evidence should (God forbid) anything happen.

Well the e-mail wasn't physically threatening, but the names he called her were so awful. It went on and on and on and I couldn't even imagine a person could be so cruel!!!!!!!!! Every horrible name you could imagine a person calling a woman - or any living thing was invoked several times in bold and 16 pt font. I am fuming. I wish I could just reach through the computer and ring his filthy neck!!!!!!!!!!

I told her to never put up with someone using such language on her for ANY reason and convinced her to get a restraining order. I really do hope she follows through. I just wish there was something more I could do. I want to tell her to come straight home, but she has to finish this semester. Its so hard to be a mom and wait in the wings sometimes!
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Old 04-23-2008, 07:42 PM   #2
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Some people have no class. Sorry for what she's going through, and the worry you're going through as a result.
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Old 04-23-2008, 07:57 PM   #3
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Does she live on campus? If I were you, I would contact the school and talk to them about this, they may not be able to actually do something but they may be able to talk to the boy and let him know what he did was unacceptable and that he should not contact her anymore or something like that. This boy may have had problems in the past maybe? I know it is hard to try and let her do this on her own (the restraining order part) but you may be able to help her long distance in someway?

Good luck!
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Old 04-23-2008, 08:18 PM   #4
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Unfortunately, a lot of young girls in college seem to go thru this, I think because they are dating guys that even though are their same age are emotionally immature and don't know how to deal with rejection. It reminds me of grade school when I was the nerd and everyone refused to sit by me.
I am sure that a restraining order is going to give the boy the idea, and I praise you for being proactive. No one needs to listen to demeaning language. Unfortunately, without a direct threat, I don't think the police can do much.
But you can certainly encourage your daughter to learn from the experience. For one, listen to instincts, when it isn't right break it off and don't drag it out. Also, stand up for herself. She can block him from her email and phone and tell him she is calling the police if he ever does that again.
It sounds like you are doing a great job as a long distance mom, and even though she is having a hard time, and the situation sucks, the bright side is that she reached out to you for encouragement and insight, so you are doing something right!
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Old 04-23-2008, 08:35 PM   #5
iza
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I don't know if she'll be able to get a restraining order, but it's a good idea to try. For sure this boy needs to understand right now that this kind of behavior is not acceptable. If he was really a man, he would deal with this differently.

I'm sure there are counseling services on campus. Maybe it would be a good idea for her to get some advice. I'm sure they could help her deal with him if she has to, and deal with the situation on a personal level. The situation would also be monitored by an independent professional, which is also good. A professional opinion can help a lot to convince a judge.

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Old 04-23-2008, 10:59 PM   #6
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Why do great girls go for these losers? Tell her she is so much better than that and she needs to find someone worthy of her. My niece dated this guy that treated her so bad and I kept telling her that she deserved much better. Well, she finally met her prince charming and now she knows how a man should treat a woman. She is so happy and he treats her with respect. Please tell your daughter that there is a great guy out there for her and stop putting up with these losers.
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Old 04-23-2008, 11:41 PM   #7
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I agree with Auburnchick.

I'm sorry to hear this situation your DD is going through.
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Old 04-23-2008, 11:42 PM   #8
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Thank you all for your support an advice. I just called her to see how she's doing. She is doing better and is spending the night at a friends for tonight. I told her I thought that was a good idea.

I have tried to stress mutual respect in all relationships upon my children so I hope this is a real life lesson quickly learned.

Puddinpop, I'm so happy that your niece has a great man in her life.
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Old 04-24-2008, 08:45 AM   #9
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Do have her bring this up with college officials, particularly if he's also a student there. They need to keep on top of these things, and it's a good idea for them to build a file on him just in case it happens again. I'd start with the student affairs office.
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Old 04-24-2008, 09:11 AM   #10
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