I got into a fight with my neighbor! (Long)

[bailsmom]

My God. Here I am, a grown woman who should know better than to reason with a woman who drinks while having a 7 & 5 yr old home alone with her. But I couldn't help myself anymore, I just couldn't take it.

A little backround info: We've lived here for 5 years, the neighbors 3 yrs. Our lives went down the crapper the day they moved in. Screaming loud annoying children that they don't keep in check. Prior to them arriving it was blissfully quiet and serene. Their kids drive us nuts. And when I say nuts, I'm using a nice word. There isn't enough computer space to describe how much they annoy us. We can't go out into our own yard and enjoy anything. DH just put in a garden and the stupid wife took that upon herself to just walk right into our yard and ask my DH everything and anything about her plants and whatnot. (DH is an arborist/horticulturist) He knows pretty much everything there is to know about plants/shrubs/trees, and since she knows this she thinks she should get a free pass and be able to ask whenever she wants to about anything in her yard. Poor DH, but I keep telling him to ignore her and he says she just keeps talking to him if he ignores her!! Can you believe that!!

So, now you have a small idea of how invasive they are. So yesterday it's a beautiful spring day, 78 degrees, sunny, breezy, just gorgeous. I have my 2 kitchen windows and back door open to let the breeze inside and I'm in the living room (remember, we can't go outside while they are out if we want to be left alone, so we stay inside until we know they are inside, basically we're trapped indoors while they are outdoors) watching tv. So I hear her kids screaming and shouting (they don't talk normally) and I just turn up the volume, and then I hear her 7 yr old start whining. I ignore it and focus on the tv. 10 minutes later he's still whining. Now mind you, there's a yard between us and I'm 2 rooms away inside the house and I can hear him like he's next to me. I continue to try and ignore it, but it's one of those REALLY ANNOYING WHINES that after a while you can't ignore. 15 minutes, now were at 20 minutes of loud whining.

I can't take it anymore, we put up with SO MUCH from them, they don't leave us alone to enjoy ourselves, we put up with their kids CONSTANTLY hounding us, the mother is a pure 100% Beotch and then this whining, well, I kind of lost it.

So I jump up and run outside and see her, the 2 kids and her 'friend' just standing there watching this annoying brat whine and she never once tells him to stop. She's the kind of parent that would let her kid go crazy in a restaurant and not tell him to stop. So I yell across the yard "Is everything alright over there?" (I knew nothing was wrong, but thought I'd make it seem like I cared) And she yells something back, and then I proceed to tell her how annoying it is to hear that sound for 20+ minutes and then she says, "He's a kid".

OH MY GOD. If I hear that excuse one more time I'm going to haul off and smack the parent. So I say, yes, he's a kid, but you can make him STOP! She says No I can't.

So, by this time I'm fuming and the next words out of her mouth just stun me: She tells me I should Shut MY windows and doors if I don't want to listen to it. Is she frickin' kidding me?? I should have to shut my house back up because she won't shut her own kid up??!! I then proceeded to tell her to shut up and walked back inside and slammed the door.

Fast forward to walking our dog later last night, we come home, DH is now with me, they are out on the patio and her boyfriend comes home and she yells across the yard that she's sorry for what her kid was doing. Not sorry that she didn't shut him up; so I apologized for telling her to shut up. Then she proceeds to try and explain to me that he's a kid and blah blah blah. So I fight back with my own words and she starts yelling gibberish back at me and her boyfriend is yelling at her to shut up and stop this nonsense and I'm trying to explain to her that she's used to hearing that noise and since I don't have kids, I'm not and to have the courtesy to be neighborly and bring her kid inside the house. She then says to me, "But I'm outside". Meaning, she can't put him in the house because she's not in the house. Their house is about as big as my thumb.

We should have stopped there, but then my DH puts in his two cents and then I turned to him and said just forget it, she's not hearing what we are saying and then she tells us 'whatever, just go inside'. DH keeps yelling at her. So I finally get him to stop and we go in and are just fuming at her stupidity, and ours.

Later on I kept thinking about it and I said to DH, how stupid of us to try and reason with her, she's told me on more than one occation that she's not drinking water - she's drinking vodka. And that it's 4 pm and she's already had 2 beers!! Yep, a 7 & 5 yr old are in here care and she's got alcohol in her system at 4 pm.

What do I do?? Call the cops next time? I couldn't get away with letting my dog bark for 20 minutes straight, why can she let her kid do that?? We have at least 4 other houses nearby with kids around their age and we NEVER hear them. And one lives across the street. I'm exhausted.

[iza]

I'm with you, bailsmom! I don't have kids, but I do like children. Only, it drives me nuts to see parents not even trying to educate their children. Yes, he's just a kid, which is why he needs a parent to tell him he needs to behave if he wants to stay outside. Hearing children play is normal, I have no problem with that. But whining for 20 minutes and annoy the entire neighborhood is not acceptable. It's not only parents, though. Some people just don't care about their neighbors...

I don't really know either what to do in these situations. You try to handle the situation calmly and responsibly, but if your neighbors are not calm and responsible, it won't work. I guess you could call the cops, but I doubt they would show up for whiny kids. I agree with you though, there's no way you would get away with letting your dogs bark...

Sometimes I wonder if I'll need to live in a bunker, without a single soul living within a 1km radius. I thought I liked people and that I was a friendly person, but sometimes I wonder if I'm becoming misanthropic...

[fireflyknitter]

Do you have a fence, or can you put one up? Like... a really, really tall one? It wouldn't help with the noise but at least you might be able to go outside without her knowing about it and constantly bothering you.

Bad neighbors are the worst!

[Jan in CA]

Oh boy. Unfortunately whining, loud, obnoxious children aren't something that you can call CPS for. As much as you hate it it's not really the kids fault. They've never been taught any manners by this boorish woman. That certainly doesn't change the fact that you want to rip your hair out though! I am concerned about the drinking and if you truly feel that it's bad enough (drunk, passing out, etc) that it poses a danger to the children then calling CPS makes good sense.

About your privacy..do you have a fence or wall? I know in some areas of the country this isn't the norm as it is here. Here NO ONE would even consider coming into our yards... it would be like coming into our house uninvited. A privacy fence/wall with a locked gate would at least give you that measure of protection.

[auburnchick]

No advice for you...

Just a hug.

[bailsmom]

I'm with you, bailsmom! I don't have kids, but I do like children. Only, it drives me nuts to see parents not even trying to educate their children. Yes, he's just a kid, which is why he needs a parent to tell him he needs to behave if he wants to stay outside. Hearing children play is normal, I have no problem with that. But whining for 20 minutes and annoy the entire neighborhood is not acceptable. It's not only parents, though. Some people just don't care about their neighbors...

I don't really know either what to do in these situations. You try to handle the situation calmly and responsibly, but if your neighbors are not calm and responsible, it won't work. I guess you could call the cops, but I doubt they would show up for whiny kids. I agree with you though, there's no way you would get away with letting your dogs bark...

Sometimes I wonder if I'll need to live in a bunker, without a single soul living within a 1km radius. I thought I liked people and that I was a friendly person, but sometimes I wonder if I'm becoming misanthropic...

Oh my gosh! I feel the same way! And I thought I was the only one on this planet that felt that way. Thanks

[bailsmom]

Unfortunately it's a no to putting up a fence, only because we're renting the house and the landlord would never put one up. So we're stuck.

Thank you all for understanding my predicament. I feel so much better just getting this off my chest.

This family (if you can call it that) is the type that she never yells at them and their father screams at them. She lets them get away with everything and she's home all afternoon with them and on the weekends when he's home all he does is yell at them. It's been like this since they moved in. Our last neighbors were so great. If we saw each other we said hello, how are you and responded both ways and then went on our merry little ways. We were respectful of each other's space. Once this woman found out what my DH does for a living it was downhill from there.

And I don't have a problem with kids outside yelling and playing and what-not, but it was just one of those moments when that sound built up and there's nowhere else to put the annoyance and I lost it. Plain and simple. I shouldn't have done it and in my defense ( ) I did go out once earlier and stopped myself and went back in, but after 10 more minutes (yes, I kept looking at my clock) my switch went off and I had to try and stop it. And the other point I tried to make with her, to no avail, was that since they were her kids she is used to them making that noise, that horrible horrible noise and I'm not. We don't have kids and I doubt I'll ever be able to have them (My girly insides are broken). It's different for people who don't have kids, we're unable to block out the noises they make. It all comes down to common courtesy I guess, which most people don't seem to have.

Shame on me, I know, but I think I turned "postal" and had to do something. No offense to the postal workers out there, I just didn't know how else to describe it.

[kellyh57]

I'm a totally non-confrontational. Last summer, I almost got into it with a mother that sounds JUST like this one! My kids (4 & 2 at the time) had a bucket of toys. They were playing along and this kid came over and took one. He left it in the middle of the pool, under the waterfall thing. My 2-year-old came over looking for the toy. I looked all over for it and finally saw it. I had to go under there to get it (ugh!) because he wouldn't. Then the kid came back and got another toy. I told him it wasn't his and he had to give it back. (It was one of Jared's favorites and I didn't want to lose it.) His mom started screaming at me that her kid was only 3, he doesn't know any better, I should be nice and share, etc. I told her he should know better than to take other's things and he needs to ask me nicely if he wants something. (I always share with kids when they ask and if it's a child too young to understand, I don't mind as long as their parents are kind about it!) She threatened to go get management if I talked to her child again. I about lost it. Yeah. Like I'm the one in the wrong. I still get mad when I think about it! I know how you feel. I like kids. My OWN kids and well-behaved kind children. I hate it when people use the excuse that "they're just kids." They are mini-humans. How will they ever learn if they don't start now? My kids know what is right and wrong and I'm not afraid to discipline or correct them!

Kelly

[stitchwitch]

I didn't realize you lived in my neighborhood!!
I'm surrounded by three households full of kids who cannot communicate without screaming or shrieking at the top of their lungs. I can't say squat since I'm the minority. To top it off, we also have the inept pet owners who think it's acceptable to let their dogs bark continuosly because they are just dogs and it's cute to bark at everything in their surroundings.
Last weekend I got up to find the neighbor's dog from down the street squatting in my front yard while the husband sat at the end of my driveway in his suv watching it. My husband went out, scared the dog out of our yard and the wife came up and cussed him out over it. I guess we're not only supposed to watch for their kids playing in the road instead of the safety of the sidewalks, listen to them scream all day long but we're also supposed to let their dog use our front yard as it's bathroom while they sit in their car watching. I feel your pain, 10000 acres between me and the next person would not be enough. I count the days until I can move out of here and to someplace with some space.

[bailsmom]

I hear ya Stitchwich! I keep hounding my husband, "When are you going to buy me my farmhouse that has an acre or two between neighbors!" I don't need a fancy 3,000 sq ft house, I just want a nice sized farmhouse that's all mine and no one can bother me...I realize this makes me sound unfriendly, but I'm really not. Heck, I'm the one who went over when they moved in to introduce myself to her! No one did that for us when we moved here. I am sooooo counting the days until my DH's work contract is up. Then we can make a major life move across the country closer to family. But not too close, we need that acre or two...