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Old 07-08-2008, 02:07 AM   #1
evona
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My BF wants to adopt my children
My BF wants to adopt my children, but my DS is16 and my DD nearly 18. My children are all for it, but I can't find any information about adoption of older children of a significant other. I don't even know if legitimate adoption is possible for my DD. Unfortunately, they were already teenagers when we got together, but he has been way more of a father to both of them than their biological father and both of them call them dad. He has been to all the parent/teacher meetings, high school plays, art shows, etc and he has been there to buy them new school clothes, school supplies and shoes. Not to mention his emotional support through first boyfriends and girlfriends and problems with peers and all the fun things like movies, concerts, birthday parties, beach parties, camping, etc.

When I look up adoption online I mostly get information about adoption of children from other countries. Does anyone know anything about adopting significant others children and any requirements regarding age?
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Old 07-08-2008, 04:06 AM   #2
KnittingNat
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From what i found on the internet, it's called stepparent adoption. I found some info on adoption.com. I'm not sure about significant other, because you're not married, so you partner is not an official stepfather. You should check with your state laws about that and about age restrictions. From what i've found, adopting your children by your partner will also mean that their biologocal father will have to give up any claim and responsibility for the children. HTH
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Old 07-08-2008, 06:15 AM   #3
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My Dad was adopted at the age of 21, that was nearly 50 years ago. I'm sure it's possible. What a wonderful boyfriend you have.
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Old 07-08-2008, 09:15 AM   #4
kellee0302
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adoption
My son is almost 14 and my husband is adopting him. The funny thing is when filling out the paper work, it makes it look like I'm also adopting my own son.
The father definately has to sign off his rights in order for you boyfriend to adopt them.
The best bet is to see a lawyer, they should do a free consult..
Good Luck and be happy that your boyfriend is willing to take on that kind of responsibility. I was lucky that my husband wanted to do the same.
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Old 07-08-2008, 10:50 AM   #5
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Does this mean he also wants to marry you? Sounds like dd18 is too old but those age requirements may vary from state to state. For instance in NJ a parent paying child support can be forced to pay college expenses up through a masters degree.

On the younger one, I wouldn't want to let him adopt unless you're planning to get married as well, but that's just me...
Just my two cents - worth about what you paid for it!! LOL!
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Old 07-08-2008, 12:04 PM   #6
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I know this is a little out there- but Brad Pitt adopted Angelina's kids and they aren't married and have no plans to, right? I think you'll probably have to show "serious commitment" or something to that effect. I know gay couples adopt all the time and they aren't legally married also. You do have to get the father to terminate his rights to the child, but you can also get the court to do it if he's unreachable, unworthy, or whatever. I've had a few friends with husbands that adopted their children, but they were all married at the time.

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Old 07-08-2008, 12:34 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by kellee0302 View Post
My son is almost 14 and my husband is adopting him. The funny thing is when filling out the paper work, it makes it look like I'm also adopting my own son.
YOU ARE!!! My son was adopted by my (now ex) husband when he was 4 years old. I had raised him alone for over three years, got married and my (now ex) husband wanted to adopt him.

BIG MISTAKE. No one thinks their relationship or marriage is going to fail, but mine did. The adoption process required that I also "give up my rights", I became an adoptive parent (legally) which according to my attorney was to put both parents on equal footing. At the time it seemsed lovely.

Some years later when we were divorced my ex actually tried to get custody of my son, and (although he didn't) in the right circumstance he might have gotten custody. The fact that I was the "natural" parent had no bearing on the case.

I hate to sound cynical but I wouldn't do it, not only are you not married to this man but it essentially changes your relationship to your children. Had I known then what I know now I would NEVER have done it.
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Old 07-09-2008, 11:08 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by GinnyG View Post
YOU ARE!!! My son was adopted by my (now ex) husband when he was 4 years old. I had raised him alone for over three years, got married and my (now ex) husband wanted to adopt him.

BIG MISTAKE. No one thinks their relationship or marriage is going to fail, but mine did. The adoption process required that I also "give up my rights", I became an adoptive parent (legally) which according to my attorney was to put both parents on equal footing. At the time it seemsed lovely.

Some years later when we were divorced my ex actually tried to get custody of my son, and (although he didn't) in the right circumstance he might have gotten custody. The fact that I was the "natural" parent had no bearing on the case.

I hate to sound cynical but I wouldn't do it, not only are you not married to this man but it essentially changes your relationship to your children. Had I known then what I know now I would NEVER have done it.

funnily enough my boyfriend has been talking about this and i have said absolutly no way. my ds is now 5 and if we ever split up hell would freeze before any stepfather could take my baby away from me!! i fought his father for him not to have any rights im not about to give another man this right, UNLESS we had been married for 20+ years, then it kinda defetes the ideas really.

i do think that as long as your kids see your boyfriend as their dad and he sees them as his kids then why do you need a piece of paper? they can legaly take his surname by changing it i think (i have agreed that if bf and me get married we will both take his surname, but thats the only thing i am prepared to give). i know that sounds awful because i do love him but i love my son so much more and would never take any chances. i know its different as your kids are 16 and 18, but i would seriously give it far more thought. sorry just my opinion.

but, if you want to have a lmook at step parent adoption on teh internet there is vast information that can help you
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Old 07-09-2008, 11:10 AM   #9
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dont know if this is any good i just googled step parent adoption

http://www3.hants.gov.uk/childrens-s...t-adoption.htm
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Old 07-09-2008, 01:21 PM   #10
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I "adopted" my stepfather when I was 36, by legally changing my last name to his surname. I also chose to change my middle name at the time to my maternal grandmothers given name.

Dad offered to pay for me to do it when I was in my early 20s when my younger brother changed his name when he turned 18, but my mother nixed the idea when she said I would legally change my name when I got married so why go to all that expense -- thanks Mom!
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