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Old 01-02-2009, 04:01 AM   #1
MoniDew
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I was watching one of those shows on people who weigh half a ton today. I guess I feel entitled to say something because I am very overweight myself. Not 1000 lbs, mind you, but 80 lbs - so I qualify as morbidly obese.

Everyone asks, "how did they let themselves get this way?" I guess that's the obvious question. But I'm asking, "how did their family allow it?" Who catered to them hand and foot? Who brought them 20,000 calories a DAY in food? Who bathed them? Who emptied their bedpan?

If you love somebody, why the hell do you get codependent with them in their obesity?! Wouldn't you just tell them "no I won't bring you another slice of pizza" or "if you want something, get it yourself" or "get dressed, we're going for a walk" or something?! What do you think? Do you think the families are contributing to their loved one's early demise? Or does the fault lie entirely with the person?
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Old 01-02-2009, 04:15 AM   #2
LilHuskiesFootBallMom
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i watched a couple of them before i couldn't stomach anymore (no pun intended). I am also overweight but there has to be a certain amount of personal responsibility involved on the part of the overweight person. Not all of them were kids, a couple were adults. We can all say "i'm this way because...." and fill in a thousand excuses. However, WE are the ones who ultimately decide what to and how much to put into our mouths and bodies. I grew up in the "clean your plate" club. I do NOT force my children to join as well (they are the "pick 2 things" and we work on proper portion sizes, esp when their father isn't here because he overeats and doesnt' care about his size or health and gets mad that I now only cook for as many people as we have eating, NOT for the small army like he and i both grew up with).

I am the size i am yes, because I also had a hormonal issue with PCOS, However, I have decided to get off my big butt and be proactive about doing something to change it. One doctor's solution was surgery for everything, my OB's was to jump into gastric bypass... my PCP's solution is to TRY treating the pcos with birth control pills (which is working) as well as modifying my diet and getting me to exercise more now that it's NOT all for nothing and things ARE changing.

And no, I don't think helping someone become even more overweight is good. I don't buy bread anymore (the kids don't care for it and i can't stand it, it always tastes moldy), I don't buy snack foods and sodas... I DO buy fruits, vegetables, and granola bars, Whole grain cereals, lean meats, etc. If my dh wants junk food i make him get off his butt and go get it himself. I refuse to drive to the store so he can "run in quick" or pick up his fast food meals before work anymore. And it has worked in some areas, he is making some changes on his own (such as no more extra large dunkin donuts coffee with 3 bowties and a couple of apple fritters... to be eaten in one sitting BEFORE going for his fast food a couple of hours later) and he IS also losing weight as well.

At some point the caregiver has to say "Enough is enough, you want to kill yourself with food get off your butt and get it yourself." and at the same time the person stuffing their gobs with junk has to say "enough is enough, I hate the way i feel/look and need to get off my butt and do something about it" whether that "something" is consulting their doctor for help or going to one of those obesity clinics.


The kids were watching Wall-E earlier... ever notice how ALL of the humans are severely overweight and lazy???
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Old 01-02-2009, 02:33 PM   #3
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I've always wondered about the family and friends of these poor souls.

Well, what with Safeway.com and other food delivery services today...Pizza Hut, etc...they could get their hands on food without getting out of bed. I couldn't for the life of me understand why family members or friends would bring large quantities of food into the house. I just don't get it. But, relationships are as complex as eating disorders. You can't fix anything until you have understanding of the disorder.

When my mother was dying of lung cancer (she was at home at that time), she didn't have the strength to walk across the room to get her cigarettes. She asked for them. I said, "No momma. If you can't get them yourself, I'm not going to do it for you." However, another family member jumped to her 'rescue'. Later that night she had to be rushed to the hospital. She died 30 hrs late.

Well, anyway, enough of that.

I saw a program on TV last year. The mothers of morbidly obese children were being prosecuted for child endangerment and abuse. The children were taken away and put into foster care. Interestingly, the children lost weight! And sometimes the natural mothers were caught bringing french fries and cookies to their court appointed visitations. Then the mother lost their visitation as well. One woman was put in jail, gave birth to another baby, and it was taken away from her at birth...not because she was in jail...but because she had been ordered not to have any more children OR ELSE they would also be taken away and put into safe homes. This mother was viewed like a criminal serial child abuser.

It was an eye-opener of a TV program! It was on a major US network...like ABC, NBC or CBS. Forget which program.
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Old 01-03-2009, 01:22 PM   #4
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Please don't blame the families.

It sounds very easy to say just don't do it but it isn't always that simple. Someone else used the word, codependence and I suppose that it does apply. What ever a persons addiction; drugs, alcohol or food there is a lifetime of dysfunction that feeds into it.

My Mother was morbidly obese, when she died her funeral was delayed because they had to special order a casket that would fit her. She was bed bound for many years (because of other medical problems) and my poor Father waited on her hand and foot, caring for her, changing her diapers and meeting her every need. Everyone in the famioy judged him harshly, saying that she would not have been so heavy had he not brought her food.

I lived far away and could only visit several times a year. But it was clear during my vists that there were dynamics at work here that were far beyond my understanding. I would fix lovely HEALTHY meals for her, only to find that my Father was taking her ice cream and goodies late at night when he thought I had gone to bed. I never really understood it but I knew that it was not willfull on his part to make her fat, he was in someway compensating for something (I've never really figured out what).

Morbid obesity is a form of mental illness. There isn't a person in the world that choses to be overweight, whether it's 50 lbs or 500 lbs.
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Old 01-03-2009, 03:11 PM   #5
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that's why i brought up them working with their doctors. family i grew up in was "i don't have time to deal with you, have cookies/chips/ice cream/sugary drink and leave me alone" type. Food = comfort.

There are a myriad of underlying causes to obesity... thyroid issues, polycystic ovarian syndrome, antidepressants can cause massive weight gain (certainly didn't help me when i was on them... soon as i went off i dropped 50 pounds over the next 2 months without changing anything else), various forms of birth control also cause weight gain.

For a lot of them, they need their doctor's intervention. ANYONE dealing with weight issues and deciding to change things should really see their doctor anyway to get a full physical and blood workup so that they can best work with their doctor to take the safest and healthiest route possible and get clearance before doing anything that could cause injury.

But, there does have to come a point when they say enough is enough and decide to be proactive to change things.

I'm also sorry about your mom's passing.
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