Afraid for my safety

Darby · 01-31-2009, 01:13 PM

This is kind of a long story but about 3 years ago we went on vacation and had a housesitter stay at the house. She worked at the same place where my husband works and we had used her many times and she was great until that last time. She started to hang with the wrong crowd and while we were gone she had them over and the stole from us. Credit cards, jewelry, etc... We made out a police report and they caught them and they took it from there. We never heard anything more until a few days ago. We got a letter from the State pen from one of the little creeps. How did he get our exact address for one. He knows where we live but I'm sure he didn't memorize the exact address/ zip code etc. The letter basically says he is sorry and that he has found "GOD" but most of it is very disturbing. How he rode our horses when he was here. NO ONE was allowed to ride and I'm sure the housesitter girl was responsible for that one which really freaked me out when I read that part. Who knows what they did to all our animals!
This kid now 22 years old gets out of prison in 50 days now. He wants to come over and learn how to "saddle up a horse" and wants to hang out here. I'm FREAKED!!! I plan to call and get in touch with someone at the state pen to find out more about his kid. Why he's been in jail for the past 2 1/2 years and if I really need to worry. I don't feel comfortable leaving the house for vacations anymore and I'm not going to. I'm afraid he'll show up here and for what? Revenge maybe? I have a dog that will protect me and we have guns in the house. I told my husband, I want those guns ready and loaded!! I'm scared. I want to ask the prison if it's a good idea to get a restraining order or not. I don't want to make this kid mad and make matters worse - I just don't know what to do. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. this is only supposed to happen in the movies! Anyone have anything to say on this matter to help me??

LadyFirelyght · 01-31-2009, 06:47 PM

Maybe he really is sorry and is trying to get his life straightened out? Maybe he has fond memories of your house and is hoping that (if you will teach him) learning about the horses will help him keep straight?

zkimom · 01-31-2009, 06:54 PM

I'd show the letter to my local police and get their take on it. I don't think they will be anything they can do but you should make them aware of the situation.

The boy may want to turn his life around but a simple apology would do.

Do you have a security system installed at home? That's the kind of thing that would have me turning my alarm on at night.

Darby · 01-31-2009, 07:20 PM

I don't believe a word of this because why didn't he apologize in the past but waits til now and if you read the whole letter he says, "you have such a nice place and I have nothing." It's like he is blaming us. We don't have a security system in our home. I just want to move away. I called the state prison and actually talked to someone today and they were alarmed about it and are investigating the situation. They said he's due to get out on March 17th and not to worry yet since I'm safe for now and he's still in prison. Safe for NOW? UGH.

Jan in CA · 01-31-2009, 07:26 PM

I think I'd also alert the police if he does get out. Another thought is to change your locks to make sure no one had a key made and if at all possible get a security system. I'm not sure how you can protect the horses, but you might ask a security company for ideas.

JustAFloridaGirl · 01-31-2009, 08:24 PM

I definitely agree with the above people, change the locks and look into getting a security system. I would also alert the local police and see if there's any way you can make a formal complaint or statement so that there's something on record if he DOES try to contact you again or comes by. And rethink your stance on a restraining order...it might be a good idea to get one. You can ask the police for advice.

Please please please don't think you're overreacting. Take WHATEVER precautions YOU deem necessary to feel safe, no matter what. Last year I lost a close family member to homicide. It was 8am (so it was light out) and she was just outside her apartment door waiting for the morning paper when a man she didn't know and who didn't live in the complex attacked her. Although I place the complete blame on the scum who attacked her, there's also a part of me that wonders if the situation could have been different if she'd made a habit of taking a weapon with her as she sat outside.

I don't tell you this to alarm you, or to even compare the situations (because they ARE entirely different.) I merely bring it up to prove the point that the "stuff that only happens in movies" DOES happen in real life and it's better to be prepared for it. I just can't stress how important it is to err on the side of "overreacting."

I would also recommend taking some sort of weapons training class or defense class, if you don't already have that knowledge and experience. That way you can also feel secure in your own ability to protect yourself.

Marria · 01-31-2009, 10:01 PM

I just asked my husband about this. He was a correctional officer for 15 years. He suggests that you file a police report and that you contact the prison, give them a copy of the letter and tell them that you want him to stop writing to you. This could affect his parole.

It may be that he is genuinely sorry, but as my husband has told me in countless stories, most people in prison are really good at manipulating people. Better safe than sorry!

lelvsdgs · 02-01-2009, 03:29 AM

Originally Posted by Marria

I just asked my husband about this. He was a correctional officer for 15 years. He suggests that you file a police report and that you contact the prison, give them a copy of the letter and tell them that you want him to stop writing to you. This could affect his parole.

It may be that he is genuinely sorry, but as my husband has told me in countless stories, most people in prison are really good at manipulating people. Better safe than sorry!

I agree completely with this. You are not overreacting one bit and your saftey is what's important. Please take this seriously and notify the police and the prison.

GinnyG · 02-01-2009, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by Marria

I just asked my husband about this. He was a correctional officer for 15 years. He suggests that you file a police report and that you contact the prison, give them a copy of the letter and tell them that you want him to stop writing to you. This could affect his parole.

It may be that he is genuinely sorry, but as my husband has told me in countless stories, most people in prison are really good at manipulating people. Better safe than sorry!

I agree totallyl. Even if he has found God and changed his life he does not need to be in touch with you.

I would go one step further and request an order of protection requiring that he stay away from you, your family and your property.

If he really has changed he will respect that, if he hasn't it will protect you to some degree (or at least eind him up back in jail if he violates it.

I would not contact him in anyway but handle it throught the prison.

rachael72knitter · 02-01-2009, 04:14 PM

I would let the ppl at the prison know, I mean he is sending the letters to you from there, and they usually keep tabs on that kind of thing. I don't even know why anyone let him send notes to the person he stole from. I am sure his stealing is partly the reason why he is in prison and other offenses. It could have been his third time or fourth time, but I am sure the prison would be interested to know.

His comment about him having nothing is very indicative of a criminal mind, the sense of "entitlement". Why should others have so much and he not have any?

I don't think you are overreacting at all, and I would call the prison system and let them know.