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Old 04-23-2009, 01:49 PM   #1
MoniDew
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HUMOROUS: Knitting "Scout" Badges
original source: http://www.cast-on.com/?page_id=123
I thought this was Hilarious!!!
(Warning: These contain a weence bit of British style "adult" humor.)
Mods, please edit out whatever you feel is inappropriate.

The Proselytize Knitting¯ Badge - A requirement for all Knitting Scouts, the recipient must do his or her bit to present knitting in a positive light, whilst at the same time avoiding all references to “hipness”, grandmothers, and yoga.
The “MacGyver” Badge (Level One) - The recipient must demonstrate clever use of a non-knitting tool in a knitting-related scenario. For instance, recipient has used paper clips as stitch markers, or successfully whittled and then utilized bamboo skewers as dpns.
The “MacGyver” Badge (Level Two) - The recipient must demonstrate clever use of a knitting tool in a non-knitting-related scenario. For instance, recipient has used a strand of Regia Bamboo to slice cheese, or repaired a small appliance with a metal knitting needle.
The “MacGyver” Badge (Level Three) - The recipient must demonstrate clever use of a knitting tool in a non-knitting-related scenario working towards the Greater Good. For instance, recipient used a Clover yarn cutter, a 30"¯ Addi Turbo circular needle, and a copy of Elizabeth Zimmerman's Knitting Without Tears to foster world peace.
The I've Been Published in a Knitting Magazine¯ badge - The recipient has been published in a print or online knitting magazine.
The I've Been Rejected by a Knitting Magazine¯ Badge - The recipient has had a design or article rejected by a print or online knitting magazine.
The I've Written a Knitting Book¯ Badge - The recipient has written and published a book in which knitting patterns and beautifully photographed knitting feature prominently; Or, the recipient has written and published a book in which he/she writes eloquently about the knitting experience. No extra credit, but proper snaps if the recipient actually makes any money at it.
The I Host a Knitting Podcast¯ Badge - The recipient hosts a podcast in which knitting is a primary focus. Presumes a thorough understanding of rss feeds, and skype recording with minimal audio disruption. Recipient must demonstrate ability to make oneself sound way smarter in a podcast than in person.
[IMG]http://www.cast-on.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/*******.jpg[/IMG] The I Can Be an ******* When It Comes To Knitting¯ Badge - In which the recipient is so passionate, opinionated and entirely convinced of his/her own superior knowledge about all things knitting, that he/she may appear pompous, rude, or self-righteous.
The Knitting Whilst Under the Influence¯ Badge - This applies to both actual knitting under the influence, as well as achieving moments of stunning intellectual clarity about ones knitting under the influence. Presumes talking about knitting whilst under the influence a given.
The I Will Impress You With My Math Prowess¯ Badge - The recipient is a whiz at substituting yarns and calculating gauge, can space increases and decreases evenly and is fully comfortable with the basic math encountered in all knitting projects.
The I Will Crush You With My Math Prowess¯ Badge - The recipient has applied the principles of higher mathematics to knitting including, but not limited to hyperbolic planes, Fibonacci sequences, Klein bottles, Moebius strips, fractals and Flying Spaghetti Monster hats.
The Inordinately Fond of Novelty Yarn¯ Badge - In which the recipient professes an arguably unhealthy affinity for yarn with slubs, sparkles, spangles, fur, feathery bits, and an unconscionable proportion of man-made fibre. Recipient makes no apology for the preference.
The Knitting Has Forced Me to Seek Medical Attention¯ Badge (Level One) In which the recipient has been forced to seek the advice of a medical doctor, nurse, or alternative healthcare professional for injuries sustained as a result of knitting.
The Knitting Has Forced Me to Seek Medical Attention¯ Badge (Level Two) - In which the recipient has been forced to seek the advice of a medical doctor, nurse, or alternative healthcare professional, in a hospital emergency room, for injuries sustained as a result of knitting.
The I've Knit Items With No Conceivable Practical Application¯ Badge - Recipients are those “special” campers who have knit items which somehow missed the mark of their intended application. There are probably more who are deserving of this badge than one would expect.
The Knitting Got Me Through My Divorce¯ Badge - Better for you than wine, easier to care for than a houseful of cats, knitting probably kept you busy, and definitely kept you sane, while you navigated your way back to single life. You’re better off without him/her, honey.
The Knitting Caused My Divorce¯ Badge - Maybe your spouse didn’t fully appreciate your chosen lifestyle, or maybe you were caught in a lie about the frequency you were having S.E.X. outside the relationship, either way you can trace beginning of the end back to your obsessive need to knit.
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Old 04-23-2009, 03:48 PM   #2
Crycket
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Sadly...I think I only qualify for the first two....*frowns*
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Old 04-23-2009, 06:16 PM   #3
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I don't see the "The Knitting Whilst Sitting on the Toilet Badge"

These are super cute!
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Old 04-23-2009, 10:27 PM   #4
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Love them!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-23-2009, 10:46 PM   #5
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Hah, fantastic!! I think I can get the knitting has caused injury type badge. Where's the frogging badges, I'd definitely get that one!!
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Old 04-24-2009, 09:55 AM   #6
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LOL- I am a Girl Scout leader so I especially love those! I have earned 4 of them so far.

But I'm not saying which ones!
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Old 04-24-2009, 10:39 PM   #7
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LOL!
These are wonderful!
Thanks for the laugh!
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Old 04-24-2009, 11:47 PM   #8
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I've earned a few of those
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Old 04-25-2009, 12:07 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Knitting_Guy View Post
I've earned a few of those


I'm certain you've earned this one, at a minimum!
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Old 04-25-2009, 12:08 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by stisdale View Post
Hah, fantastic!! I think I can get the knitting has caused injury type badge. Where's the frogging badges, I'd definitely get that one!!
Oh, yeah, we need one of those. AND, and injured WHILE frogging badge, too!
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