I had to thank you, Jack, for the huge laugh!
As for Father's Day patterns, why not try a beer cozy
? I am totally using that idea for my dad for Christmas -- I'm doing socks
for him for Father's Day already (but I know you didn't want to do socks.) If he doesn't drink beer, maybe a cozy for his mug of coffee or tea
? If he drinks wine you could try a wine bottle cozy
as well. Maybe a coaster
Hmm, I'm starting to think that perhaps I need to drink more here at work. LOL! I also realize I have a "thing" for cozies
. Wouldn't life be a lot brighter if everything got to wear a cozy?
At Knitting Pattern Central there is a huge list of cases/cozies for just about anything
-- eyeglasses, ipods, etc. etc. etc. so perhaps one of those will help you, too?
Lion Brand just published this Father's Day project for a hang-over-the-edge-of-the-couch-arm caddy for the remote control and other stuff that is cute, too.
Good luck with whatever you choose!