sad. losing my sister to alcohol

VictoiseC · 05-25-2009, 12:18 PM

I hestitate to even post this because I guess I know there aren't any easy answers. But I just feel so sad everyday that my younger sister and I can no longer have a relationship. For the past few weeks, every week on a Tuesday usually, she calls me up screaming at me. My father is 86 and he has been going over to her house to try and talk some sense into her. He is given to dramatics and yeah, he yells and then she calls me swearing like crazy at me that I need to come put him away. Whew. Last week I was left shaking for a few hours. I can't believe my little sister went from being so sweet and loving to this horrid foul-mouthed thing, she's like a monster now. What with our mother dying 10 years ago and then her getting a divorce, she just seems to have really gone whacko. I drink too but not like that, in the morning, passing out drunk. It's so sad. Such a beautiful girl too.

Sorry, I hate to um, dump bad stuff here but I don't know, I just don't know who to talk to, there isn't anyone.

MoniDew · 05-25-2009, 06:44 PM

I've dumped my stuff here, too! We all need support in challenging circumstance. And, the people here are often the only friends we have! So, we get it, don't worry.

I pray that you seek support for yourself. Your sister and father will rip you right down the middle if you don't. Please find an support group for people who are in relationship with an alcoholic. They have insights and understanding into this circumstance that no one else except for those who have been there can. I am praying for you!

lulubell · 05-25-2009, 11:25 PM

Please try not to get caught up too much in the whole crazy thing. We can love our family but not like the behaviour. Your lovely sister is still inside there somewhere, but until she decides that she does not want to be how she is I do not believe you can do much except confirm that you love her but do not like the drinking etc and when she rings you and spins out do not get caught up in it. Your sanity is so important. Say politely and firmly that you love hearing from her, but can she please ring back when she is sober. Say goodbye and hang up. Look after yourself. AA have support groups for family and friends of alcoholics. I really think you should contact them.

JessicaR · 05-25-2009, 11:42 PM

I'm so sorry for what you're going thru.

My little brother, 24, is an alcoholic. He's the greatest guy until he gets a drink, or something else. Then he will lie, cheat, and steal form everyone, even those who are closest to him. He has broken down my parents to the verge of divorce and ruined so many lives. Last year, for my personal sanity, I decided to just give up. It sounds so cruel, but I just couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't let him take me down with him. It's harder for my parents since they raised him, but I'm afraid they won't get away in time.

We don't talk anymore, maybe just a passing hello if I'm visiting my parents. Maybe he'll get the help he needs and straighten his life out. But I just don't know.

Hang in there!

VictoiseC · 05-26-2009, 02:49 PM

Thank you all so much. Jessica, sorry you have this also with your brother. Yesterday I was feeling like there is a hole in my life without my sister yet I'm afraid to call her and start in again, I can't stand arguing. There's so many wonderful things to be doing besides arguing.

Anyhoo.... thanks again for taking the time.

cacunn · 05-26-2009, 03:13 PM

A friend is some who will listen and not judge when you need to dump. One thing about this group is that we are all a bunch of friends that just haven't met yet.

Having alcohol problems in my family I understand where you are at. We each choose our own paths and some time we need to accompany friends and family on that path and other time we need to follow our own separate path. Hopefully these paths will cross again maybe they will not.

Most important is that you take care of yourself, then if you can be available to help others if they ask and really want the help.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

hookedonknitting · 05-26-2009, 05:42 PM

I am sorry your family is having a hard time. As someone who has alcoholics and depressives in my family, I truly understand. Depression takes people in different ways, I hope she has someone who will listen as family tries but often can't help ( too close). In time it will get better

Hildegard_von_Knittin · 05-31-2009, 05:32 AM

Hey Vic... first

I miss you! Secondly, I am so sorry for all this. It is impossible to have any kind of relationship with an alcoholic. For me, it was finally accepting that there is **nothing i can do** to help... they have to do it themselves. The best thing for YOU to do is to put YOURSELF first. It will be hard. There will come a time when you have to say "I'm sorry I'm not talking to/being with/listening to you when you are drinking. Call me when you're sober" and that's the end.

The first time my XH came over to my new apartment drunk, I had to force myself to say "I'm sorry, you're drunk, and you can't be here. Please leave or I'll call the police"... I said this about 4 or 5 times in a row, calmly, repeating the exact smae words the same way, until he finally left, and I sobbed for almost an hour. But he never did it again.

I'm sad that I don't have a relationship with him anymore... and I know a husband isn't like a sister... but sometimes you just have to let it go until they're ready to change.

hug:

tokmom · 05-31-2009, 02:42 PM

Another family member with a drinking problem. Join Al-Anon. It is for family members of alcoholics.

We did an intervention for my sted dad and it was the hardest thing I ever have done. We tricked him into helping us move some furniture. When he arrived, there were other people here. Family members and friends and a rehab counselor. After we all pretty much told him how great he was until he drank, he decided, under pressure to go to a rehab. He was sober 9 months. I think quitting truly has to be something they have to do.
It is a terrible illness and I don't envy you. But please take care of yourself.

lynnlisiewski · 05-31-2009, 08:16 PM

The people that suggested Al-anon are right find a group you are comfortable with some are healthier than others. Get a great sponsor one that will help and guide you thru your stuff and help you follow the steps. My family is loaded with Alcoholics and I happen to chose alcoholics to marry, see we have our problems as well. My husband is now sober 21 years, and we still struggle alcoholism is a disease that affects the mind, body and soul. We must cure all of it to go on I guess what I am trying to say the non alcoholic has as much of a problem and usually have more of a problem than the alcoholic. We make our purpose on life to take care of others and when we are not needed, due to their getting better or us realizing we cannot make them better we feel a void in our life. Do call Al-anon , find some healthy friends and know your sister has her own God her own bottom I know it sounds easy it is not , we try to do the best for those we love sometimes that is leaving them alone to fall down and pick themselves up
Try to read Understanding ourselves
Good Luck and God Bless
Lynn