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Old 06-02-2009, 04:14 PM   #1
KnitWit1987
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MIL rant
I really hate to even gripe about this, but my feelings are hurt and I know you all are understanding My husband has always been a mama's boy, which was fine until I got pregnant. His parents live a few states away so I have only been around them for short periods of time 3-4 time and I do like them a lot they are really nice. I am not very comfortable with them just because I havent spent much time with them.

Like all first time moms, I have certain things I want, like the babies room decorated with matching crib bedding ect. My husband KNOWS this, knows everything I want and has agreed to it. Today he was talking to his mom and she tells him she got crib bedding on sale so you dont need that, and telling him all this stuff shes gotten. Maybe its just pregnancy hormones but I am PISSED beyond explanation.. umm helloo isnt crib bedding something you consult with the mom about?? Also, we are going next week to sign up for baby registeries for that exact purpose.. so his family can contribute that way. Dont I have the right to say I want the room all in winnie the pooh or whatever?? When hubby got off the phone he looked at me and knew right away.. I told him my feelings are really hurt that she wouldnt ask what I wanted and he basically said I am overeacting.. maybe I am.

Then apparently he planned for us to go visit them for a couple week in december.. the baby is due in october.. so he plans a vacation with a 1 1/2 to 2 month old baby without consulting me.. nice huh? I am really not trying to be a b****. I am not asking for anything. I would rather them get us nothing at all. We have enough money to buy everything, and I know she is just trying to help, I apreciate that but I feel like she is over stepping her bounderies. Reading over this again, maybe its more hubbys fault than his moms? Please tell me how you guys feel about this.. if you tell me im overeacting I wont be mad.. I need to know. Thanks
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Old 06-02-2009, 04:37 PM   #2
Jan in CA
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Hormones have a funny way of making us more emotional about certain things than we might normally be. It's not wrong or bad it just is what it is.

Should she have asked about it? That certainly would have been the right thing to do, but I suspect her heart was in the right place and she's just excited.

So based on that... remember that she's two states away and won't even see the bedding very often. You can always put it on when she visits. PLUS... as a mother of two now grown daughters I can tell you that sometimes extra bedding is a godsend. Babies have a way of wetting, spitting up, and pooping repeatedly and it isn't always on the diaper or burp cloth. You may very well need an extra set. At 2 am you really aren't going to care if it's Winnie the Pooh or Godzilla. Seriously.

So my advice is to thank her and let it go. You don't need the extra stress now.

As for the trip..that wasn't very thoughtful of DH to plan w/o your input, but it's a ways off and he may change his mind when he sees how much work a baby is. Just tell him 'well see how it goes' or something.

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Old 06-02-2009, 05:48 PM   #3
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You can always use extra bedding. You go pick out what you want. I don't think they mean anything by it, you MIL or husband. I wanted certain things my way when I had my child and you are entitled. Some people don't feel that way and that's o.k., also. If it keeps happening you can tell them in a nice way that this is so special to you and you want to really enjoy this time by picking out certain things for your baby and doing things a certain way.
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:29 PM   #4
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Quote:
At 2 am you really aren't going to care if it's Winnie the Pooh or Godzilla. Seriously


Jan, you are so right!

I can understand why you're upset, I would be also. But, wanting to be part of the excitement when our first grandchild was born, I understand her point too. Like Jan said, you can always switch the stuff out.
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Old 06-02-2009, 09:18 PM   #5
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I had these thoughts too when setting up my babies room, But boy am I ever glad for the mismatched ones we were given!! Boy can babies make a mess of things and like jaJ said in the middle of the night you don't care what your putting on the bed after ripping off the soiled ones!! And besides that- babies will stain almost all of your favorite things so don't get too attached- it is just stuff that will only be used for a short time anyway. But listen to Jan she has it right all the way! Good luck!
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Old 06-02-2009, 10:09 PM   #6
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I agree with Jan...And seriously, with babies, you can never have enough bedding...LOL!

When my MIL found out I was pregnant with my first baby, she decided to get us a bunch of stuff....from a garage sale....I, of course, thanked her, but, out of all the toys and clothes and such, the only thing I ever ended up using were the crib sheets...lol...And we did have bedding already...We had the bumper pads and matching sheets, the works! But, I swear to you, when you wake up at like 3 in the morning and find your baby has spit up or has a leaky diaper, you'll be soo thankful you have extra sheets!

And yes, pregnancy hormones are CRAZY! Things that may have never bothered you before you were pregnant can drive you insane while pregnant!

Also, I think most grandparents (or soon to be grandparents) love shopping for kids...I know with my grandma, she loves buying us things (and her great-grandchildren) because she hasn't had kids of her own at home in years. She has fun buying for little ones, picking out baby clothes and toys because it has been so long since she was able to do that.

Honestly, I think you should just thank your MIL and let it be. I truly don't think she was trying to cause a problem, I really believe she's just caught up in the excitement of a new baby. Even if the bedding she bought is used in "emergency" situations only (like waking up at 3 am...lol) I promise you, you'll be glad to have the extra sheets. Crib sheets are one of those baby items you can never have enough of!
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Old 06-02-2009, 11:05 PM   #7
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Thanks everyone I really appreciate it. I knew it was just hormones and I am totally over it now I think I am just overwhelmed right now. I don't want to seem like I dont appreciate her helping, because I really do. after thinking about it, it wasn't the crib bedding at all, it was the fact that hubby and his mom seem to be planning out everything without even talking to me. Anyway, maybe I need to spend more time knitting and less time sweating the small stuff! Thanks everyone
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Old 06-02-2009, 11:30 PM   #8
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Maybe she can set up a crib at her house for the times you do visit and you can use it there. Maybe you'll fall in love with it? I'd wait and see if you like it before you get too upset.
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Old 06-03-2009, 12:29 PM   #9
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I think you're right- she did overstep her boundaries a bit, and hubby should probably say something like, "thanks for helping out with that, how nice! We're going to register next week so you won't have to wonder which things we have in mind for the nursery." Her heart is in the right place, she's just excited, and everyone else is right- having extra bedding can be really helpful! But I would still want to gently point out that you'd like to make those decisions yourself, just so it doesn't happen over and over and you build up resentment about it.

As for the trip- I think your DH WAY overstepped his bounds planning any kind of trip without consulting with you! Regardless of the age of the baby at the time- you get a say in where your body goes. I also agree that traveling with a very young infant can be really difficult- and you'll still be suffering from sleep deprivation and hormonal stuff at that point! I would definitely have a talk with him about that. Again, I'm sure his heart is in the right place, but that's not cool.

Congratulations on impending motherhood!
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Old 06-03-2009, 03:05 PM   #10
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I won't mention the bedding as you're over that now.

But as to the trip, boy, yes, I'd be upset with DH too. Will you be staying at your in-laws home? it could turn out to be a good thing - they will want as much baby-time as they can get while you're there so you'll be able to catch up on sleep, etc.
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