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Old 07-28-2009, 01:45 PM   #11
bailsmom
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I'm sorry she hurt your feelings by what she said. I may be 'old fashioned' in saying this, but I don't think anyone is too old to change their views on something. Plain and simple she hurt you and that's not okay. But I'm glad you have us here to give you a and a squeeze to make you feel a little better. I know I'm eternally grateful for this site.

The other day my mother said something so hurtful too me, I was just so shocked it came out of her mouth and so vehemently too. She's not usually that blunt so that's why I'm still reeling from it. It hurt enough that I won't soon forget the words...I hate that kind of hurt.

Hope you feel better soon.
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Old 07-28-2009, 01:53 PM   #12
Woodi
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Mothers and daughters....don't get me started!

My mother sounds like yours, always critical,wanting me to be like her, do what she does, like what she likes, never accepting me as me.

but I have learned over the years that it is almost impossible to change another person (even if they say they want to change). Most people don't even know how to change themselves!

So....what one can do is: change the way you respond to such insults and agressions (yes, a criticism is aggressive).

We have more control over our responses than we realize, but it sometimes takes time, and more than a little practice.

anyway, you have my sympathies. I know what that kind of hurt from your mother feels like, as I suffered it too. I am 62 now and my Mom is 82. She can't talk to me anymore as a stroke took away her ability to speak (although she can still make bossy movements, gestures etc....).

Good luck with yours! vent anytime you want to. I'll be here for you, with a sympathetic ear.
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Old 07-28-2009, 02:51 PM   #13
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I'm so sorry this is happening between you and your mom. You are trying to overlook it and love the good parts about your mother, and that is admirable. But I know it builds up inside and doesn't feel very good emotionally.

Your mother just must have had a vision of you sewing as she does, and she is disappointed. This, of course, is silly. We cannot live through our children fulfilling our dreams. But she does not think of this.

What about this: Next time she says something, in the sweetest voice you can muster up, say: "Awww Mom, you make me feel so bad." It probably won't change anything, but at least you have the satisfaction of speaking up.

I'm sorry too she's hard on your DD. As a mom, this would concern me because it could turn into a less-than-wonderful experience for your DD. Have you talked to your daughter and acknowledged that Grandma is very particular? Be sensitive to any hesitation DD might have to go to a sewing lesson. It should be fun and satisfying, not demoralizing.
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Old 07-30-2009, 12:15 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Cirrus View Post
I'm so sorry this is happening between you and your mom. You are trying to overlook it and love the good parts about your mother, and that is admirable. But I know it builds up inside and doesn't feel very good emotionally.

Your mother just must have had a vision of you sewing as she does, and she is disappointed. This, of course, is silly. We cannot live through our children fulfilling our dreams. But she does not think of this.

What about this: Next time she says something, in the sweetest voice you can muster up, say: "Awww Mom, you make me feel so bad." It probably won't change anything, but at least you have the satisfaction of speaking up.

I'm sorry too she's hard on your DD. As a mom, this would concern me because it could turn into a less-than-wonderful experience for your DD. Have you talked to your daughter and acknowledged that Grandma is very particular? Be sensitive to any hesitation DD might have to go to a sewing lesson. It should be fun and satisfying, not demoralizing.
Thanks everyone. As a mom of 7 kids. I know I have and will make mistakes with them, but I try to not criticize what they do and how they do it. When my one college age son changed majors he didn't tell us for the first semester. When I caught wind of it, he said he didn't say anything because he was afraid we would be upset. My dh and I are both RN's and he was going to study nursing. I told him this was HIS life, and not ours. We had our turn at choosing a career this was now his turn. I don't expect my kids to like anything I do, because I do!

Yes, my dd is afraid to show my mom her sewing. Granted, its not perfect and I told my mom to lay off a bit and accept that the sewing might not be perfectly straight right now, but she's at least sewing and God forbid not knitting! They have another sewing date next week, and I hope it goes ok.

Thanks again for the hugs. I REALLY needed them!!!
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Old 07-31-2009, 12:14 AM   #15
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Have you commented to your mother that you're making fabric?

I just thought - you're making the fabric while you're putting the item together. You can do both. You're good! The next time she sews with a knit fabric...
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Old 07-31-2009, 10:33 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Gertie View Post
Have you commented to your mother that you're making fabric?

I just thought - you're making the fabric while you're putting the item together. You can do both. You're good! The next time she sews with a knit fabric...
hmmm...never thought of that! Thanks!
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Old 07-31-2009, 10:31 PM   #17
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I'm going to go the petty route that I so rarely take, and say

"Oh, she's just jealous!"

:-)
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Old 07-31-2009, 11:51 PM   #18
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I couldn't help but laugh when I read your post. I know you felt hurt and all, but from the outside it really is quite funny. People often think their particular skill or craft is superior to others, even though they all require skill and talent.

I remember when my mother, who was a life-long crocheter, told me anything I could knit she could crochet. I simply replied by asking her to crochet me a pair of seamless socks.

When she passed away she was trying to learn how to knit.
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Old 08-03-2009, 12:42 PM   #19
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Thanks everyone. I will have to use the "I'm making fabric" comment next time. Good one.

Mason, I never thought knitting was better than sewing. They are two different kinds of crafts obviously, and she knows I have high regard for her talent. I never knew the depth of anger she had with me because I don't sew. It was a total mindblower to me.
That is sweet your mom tried to pick up knitting. Maybe I'll buy mom mom a pr of knitting needles for xmas and tell her to make some fabric and something wearable at the same time.
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Old 08-04-2009, 09:29 AM   #20
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I never knew the depth of anger she had with me because I don't sew. It was a total mindblower to me.
You know...this was a very hurtful experience for you. But really, how terribly sad for your mother that she overlooks a potentially wonderful relationship with her own daughter over something so silly. My heart breaks for her as well, since she apparently is lacking the ability to connect with you on more than a superficial level. Sad for both of you.
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