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Old 07-27-2009, 11:42 AM   #1
tokmom
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Ouch this hurt....
My mom is teaching my 17 yr old dd to sew. When I was about 12, my mom tried to teach me and I just did not enjoy it. It was too tedious for me. Instead I picked up knitting and knitted for a year before stopping. I didn't pick it up again until 3 yrs ago and I'm 46 now. My dd wanting to learn to sew is excited that grandma is taking the time to teach her. But is seeing that Grandma is a perfectionist and picks apart everything she does.
My mom is all about sewing and she doesn't think that knitting has any value.
The other day we were at JoAnn's. My mom who knows everyone by name introduced me to the lady cutting out material. She asked me if I sewed. I told her No, but I knit. My mom became really angry, and told me I could too sew, but for some odd reason decided not too. I disagreed and said I couldn't even read a sewing pattern and have no idea where to even begin when it came to cutting out the pattern! Mom would not back down! She insisted that I could sew!! Yeah, I can fly too.
When a cousin approached me last year to make dishcloths for their church fundraiser, I was set to do so, until my mom told me they'd only go for .50 cents because they are 'just knitted' dishcloths.

I find this so hurtful. I do really nice work and you all know the time it takes to make something even as simple as a dishcloth. Once again, no value to knitting. She never shows any interest in what I'm knitting. Ever.

Thanks for the ear. I had to get it off my chest. For the record, my dd does not knit and shows no interest and do you know what? It's OK!!!
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Old 07-27-2009, 12:08 PM   #2
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Sometimes we say the most hurtful things to the ones we love. My mom has in the past done it to me and hers did it to her and on and on...This is what keeps me awake at night. "What am I going to do the really hurt my dd (7yrs old) that she will not be able to let go." I wish I could tell her in advance that I am sorry for all the hurtful things I say or insinuate.

I hope you feel better...
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Old 07-27-2009, 12:47 PM   #3
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Your dear mother is a trip.

I am so sorry she is like she is.
All you can do is love 'er like she is. What is she, about 66 now?
I don't think she's gonna change much.

I could say a boatload about what I think of her words and actions, but, why bother? It will only hurt you to hear what I think of her treatment towards you.

You obviously love your mother A LOT.
You are to be commended for your patience.
It will come back to you in future BLESSINGS!

You are an incredible person!
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Old 07-27-2009, 05:20 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by ArtLady1981 View Post
Your dear mother is a trip.

I am so sorry she is like she is.
All you can do is love 'er like she is. What is she, about 66 now?
I don't think she's gonna change much.

I could say a boatload about what I think of her words and actions, but, why bother? It will only hurt you to hear what I think of her treatment towards you.

You obviously love your mother A LOT.
You are to be commended for your patience.
It will come back to you in future BLESSINGS!

You are an incredible person!
There is plenty to say about her, that is for sure. She has issues of her own that didn't make her a good mom. She is 77 now and I do love her, and I have come to terms with our precarious relationship. She lives in total denial about a lot of things. But yeah, that is her...But geez, knitting? Gimme a break!
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Old 07-27-2009, 05:29 PM   #5
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YOU know that the work you do is lovely, and quite frankly, as someone who can knit and sew (but not crochet to a set tension) I know that knitting a garment takes oodles of time and effort more than a sewn garment. Just accept her as Mum who has some funny ideas about knitting.

And as you get older, if you hear yourself starting to say the same things as your Mum (and we all do), snap out of it quickly!!!!!
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Old 07-27-2009, 09:16 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by lulubell View Post
YOU know that the work you do is lovely, and quite frankly, as someone who can knit and sew (but not crochet to a set tension) I know that knitting a garment takes oodles of time and effort more than a sewn garment. Just accept her as Mum who has some funny ideas about knitting.

And as you get older, if you hear yourself starting to say the same things as your Mum (and we all do), snap out of it quickly!!!!!
I stop myself now with my 17 yr dd. I refuse to be like my mom.
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:57 PM   #7
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It's really wonderful when daughters are better mothers than their mothers!

I was a good mother, but I have to say, with 100% certainty:
my daughters are better mothers than I was! I admire them very much! And I take time to tell them, too!
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Old 07-28-2009, 01:54 AM   #8
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I'm glad that you understand that it's just her way & you can deal with it. You seem to know that you won't depend on her to determine your sense of self worth in your art/crafts. Even tho you're in pain, you can look past it & go on.

I remember mistakes that my mother made & I've been careful not to repeat them with my children, but then I think of the mistakes that I've made that she did not. My kids are 23 & 20 with no children of their own yet. I sometimes wonder what kind of parents they'll be. Sometimes we talk about it. I have a friend who grew up with a selfish, a bit demanding mother. It really affected them. They were only valuable when they met up to her high standards. Much resentment to deal with.

I'm sorry you hurt. If a stranger said that to you, it'd be easier to slough off.
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Old 07-28-2009, 11:23 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by ArtLady1981 View Post
It's really wonderful when daughters are better mothers than their mothers!

I was a good mother, but I have to say, with 100% certainty:
my daughters are better mothers than I was! I admire them very much! And I take time to tell them, too!
That is a very nice thing to say about your daughters.

Tokmom: You are a valued knitter!! This craft is an art and a treasure. The hurtful things that were said to you were clearly said out of ignorance. Ignorance: lack of knowledge, education, or awareness.
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Old 07-28-2009, 12:12 PM   #10
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I think my mother would have understood and been supportive, but she died when I was 20 so I have no way of knowing for sure. I try very hard to be supportive of my daughters, but being human I'm sure I have on occasion said something that upsets them. They know I love them dearly though so I hope that carries them through.

I'm sorry your mom hurt you. You do beautiful work. You know it and all your knitter friends know it.
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