OT: Not this again.... - Page 7

Gertie · 05-05-2010, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by Crycket

The weight of the decision is off, and that is very nice...I just dread telling her...

OK - Good for you. Now gird your loins & get ready for the guilt weapons she's gonna throw at you. If you can, have DH or someone else on your side with you. She's going to want you to justify & explain. You've done it already. IMO you owe her no further explanation. It'll just drag things further. She just doesn't understand the meaning of the word no.

It's so easy for me to sit here so removed & tell you to be polite but firm. I'm sure you can do it. You may come out of it with a little emotional blood shed, but if DH's armor is shiny, he'll be there for you. You'll heal.

Keep us informed.

Crycket · 05-06-2010, 02:39 AM

*sigh* yeah...thing is that I am not a weak person with no spine. I know you all don't think that, but I am sure it is sounding a bit like that. Truth being, I can stand up for my self, I just have a weak spot when it comes to friends and family. The same thing happens when my mom lays guilt trips and the reason I did a lot of "comprimising" when my mom turned into Momzilla at my wedding.

I am still dreading the return email from her mom....

MMario · 05-06-2010, 02:13 PM

Friends can be harder to deal with then anyone else; family, friends, and "others" all fall into different scopes in our lives - and reactions to them can be very different even for "identical" circumstances.

Gertie · 05-06-2010, 04:13 PM

Originally Posted by MMario

Friends can be harder to deal with then anyone else; family, friends, and "others" all fall into different scopes in our lives - and reactions to them can be very different even for "identical" circumstances.

Oh so true!

bambi · 05-07-2010, 03:52 AM

Be firm Crycket! I agree with what everyone else has said.

You said it yourself: Money is an issue and so is vacation time.

She said it: Whoever can go will be there and everyone else won't.

If she wants the wedding on a cruise ship she has to be prepared if people she loves can't go!

Crycket · 05-07-2010, 05:37 AM

I didn't want to make either decision.

You go, and feel uncomfortable for excepting "hand outs", not being happy with the only vacation you will possibly be able to afford in years, thinking there is stuff that needs to be done at home over many years and cutting out on the little things that you do to make yourself happy for leading a lean lifestyle - but you feel good about being there for a friend who really wants you there...

You don't go - you can pay your bills, and feel secure that you can have the odd meal out, and buy things that you need for the house but feel guilty that you just let down a really good friend for the sake of a little "comfort" at home.

I mean really. Morally, I don't feel right not going. But at the same time, feel like it was too much to ask in the first place....Either way, you feel defeated....

Debkcs · 05-07-2010, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Unfortunately for me, I am one of those 2 good friends she wants to take with

She doesn't want to TAKE you, she wants you to pay for your own trip. We paid for the friends we wanted at our wedding, as we were far away from home. Bt they were there and back in three days or less, depending if they came to PA from California or the D.C. area.

Don't feel guilty. A friend would understand the time commitment and the state of your finances. Not everyone has $3000.00 bucks to spend on a wedding. Oh, and if being on a boat makes your husband sea sick, she should graciously understand that also.

Crycket · 05-07-2010, 03:09 PM

Actually she doesn't.

Both her and her mom work in a hospital, the answer I got from one was "you are on a 17 story boat, it won't be a problem" and the answer from the other was "get some gravol"

Funny how irony works....

Crycket · 05-09-2010, 03:15 PM

Ok...so I talked to her!

She was actually very reasonable. I think if this had all come up earlier it would have been a mess. She was disappointed but saw it coming.

On the up side though, she was very excited about the prospect of getting a shower. I didn't tell her anything about it, just that she would be getting one. And that cheered her up as she didn't think she would be getting one....(and if I had gone, it certainly wouldn't have been me throwing it)

Thanks for all the support everyone!!! It would have been much more tough going without you all!!! *hugs*

Gertie · 05-10-2010, 02:36 AM

Good for you!!