Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-26-2010, 10:15 PM   #1
Crycket
Working the Gusset
 
Crycket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Kitchener, ON - Canada
Posts: 1,675
Thanks: 273
Thanked 307 Times in 251 Posts
Send a message via Skype™ to Crycket
OT: Not this again....
Some of you may remember, I had started a thread probably about a year ago or more now in the Off Topic section....

It was about how a friend of mine was laying on the pressure to go to her wedding that would be taking place on a cruise.

I had said back then that I really don't want to go, it is expensive, I don't want to have to take a plane and it is a vacation...not just a one or two day wedding event. It is a full week + extra.

The conclusion at the time was that after many frustraited feelings, we talked it out and basically it is too expensive. This was truely the best thing to say as my other phobias were just coming off as me being insensitive and bitchy.

The case has been reopened. She is done with her chemo (for those just tuning in or having forgot, she was going through breast cancer treatments at the time this whole thing started) and has now planned a date for the wedding. It is going to be the beginning of March, next year. She has planned it to leave from Florida, so if I don't want to take a plane, we can drive down, and instead of the $2000 a person price tag, she says with the package that she has arranged, the low end price will be approx $800 a night, per person. Well...that significantly drops the original price from what would have been about $5000 for DH and I to go, to about $3000 (driving/motel expenses driving down, etc. + the $1600 what I am guessing is a US price...and other expenses)

I was talking to her about it all again tonight, hoping it had all be finalized as a "I can't afford it" deal in the first place...that it wouldn't be a sore point still...

So...she says this to me "There have been people who have had weddings in shorter time, that people have been able to come up with the money for such a trip" and the follow up "everybody needs a vacation" Basically saying that putting aside enough for a coffee a day would allow me to go, and that she has gone to the trouble of finding a cruise that leaves from somewhere I could drive to rather than fly.

Ok...the money is a little more reasonable...but it is DHs whole vacation time. I am also not working steadily making the money thing a little more difficult.

*sigh* I was hoping this issue was over and done with. I was hoping that this wouldn't be an issue....

I had said to her "but you are still putting the wedding at a distance, not everyone will be able to go" to which her answer was, "those who want to will come, those who don't, won't." I said, it isn't a matter of want or not, it might be a money issue, to which she responded with the above comments about how little it costs...and how much everyone needs a vacation...

Why can't it just be easy...am I being a horrible jerk for not wanting to go? Why am I even having to go through this again for a second time?

Maybe I should just go....
__________________
Adopt one today! Adopt one today!


Growing old is mandatory, growing UP is optional!
Crycket is offline   Reply With Quote

 

This advertising will not be shown to registered members. Join our free online community today!

Old 04-26-2010, 10:36 PM   #2
Gertie
Knitting the Flap
 
Gertie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Indiana, USA
Posts: 415
Thanks: 204
Thanked 156 Times in 129 Posts
>Maybe I should just go....<

No!! Sorry to say this since she's your friend, but she's being narrow minded & selfish. It seems that she's used to people giving in to her wishes. If you can't go then you can wish her well & look forward to seeing her pics when they return.
Gertie is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Gertie For This Useful Post:
Crycket (04-27-2010), JLonier (05-04-2010)
Old 04-26-2010, 11:00 PM   #3
etoilechaude
Knitting the Flap
 
etoilechaude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 404
Thanks: 284
Thanked 110 Times in 100 Posts
Originally Posted by Gertie View Post
>Maybe I should just go....<

No!! Sorry to say this since she's your friend, but she's being narrow minded & selfish. It seems that she's used to people giving in to her wishes. If you can't go then you can wish her well & look forward to seeing her pics when they return.
Agreed.
__________________
~Evan

EvanP on Ravelry (Hey that's rhymes!)
etoilechaude is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to etoilechaude For This Useful Post:
Crycket (04-27-2010)
Old 04-26-2010, 11:23 PM   #4
lissaplus2
Turning the Heel
 
lissaplus2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Norborne, Missouri
Posts: 753
Thanks: 238
Thanked 159 Times in 129 Posts
Send a message via Yahoo to lissaplus2
Quote:
>Maybe I should just go....<

No!! Sorry to say this since she's your friend, but she's being narrow minded & selfish. It seems that she's used to people giving in to her wishes. If you can't go then you can wish her well & look forward to seeing her pics when they return.
Couldnt have said it better myself.

Maybe you could make her a little something to wear in the wedding...perhaps....a shawl?? I hear theres a really pretty one being tested right now...
__________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel because
those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss


lissaplus2 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to lissaplus2 For This Useful Post:
Crycket (04-27-2010)
Old 04-27-2010, 12:08 AM   #5
Crycket
Working the Gusset
 
Crycket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Kitchener, ON - Canada
Posts: 1,675
Thanks: 273
Thanked 307 Times in 251 Posts
Send a message via Skype™ to Crycket
Oh there are already plans for a shawl...and I was going to make her a cross stitch with the wedding date on it....

I guess i am just really easily guilt tripped...
__________________
Adopt one today! Adopt one today!


Growing old is mandatory, growing UP is optional!
Crycket is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2010, 07:24 AM   #6
GinnyG
Instepping Out
 
GinnyG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 2,452
Thanks: 654
Thanked 819 Times in 673 Posts
My advice this year is the same as my advice last year (if I remember correctly);

Thank her for the invitation, express your joy at her wedding but tell her FIRMLY you are unable to attend AND DON"T FEEL GUILTY.
__________________
GinnyG on Ravelry, I'd LOVE to be in your "friends"
GinnyG is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to GinnyG For This Useful Post:
Crycket (04-27-2010)
Old 04-27-2010, 07:41 AM   #7
lissaplus2
Turning the Heel
 
lissaplus2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Norborne, Missouri
Posts: 753
Thanks: 238
Thanked 159 Times in 129 Posts
Send a message via Yahoo to lissaplus2
Quote:
Thank her for the invitation, express your joy at her wedding but tell her FIRMLY you are unable to attend AND DON"T FEEL GUILTY.
This too!!
__________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel because
those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss


lissaplus2 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to lissaplus2 For This Useful Post:
Crycket (04-27-2010)
Old 04-27-2010, 08:36 AM   #8
trvvn5
Turning the Heel
 
trvvn5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 533
Thanks: 13
Thanked 133 Times in 107 Posts
Send a message via AIM to trvvn5
I find this to be one of the most aggravating things from people. I understand that she wants to have a destination wedding. That's great, but SHE is the one who wants the destination wedding. Its so presumptuous and selfish to guilt people into taking their entire vacation and using it for their wedding. Plus, I get that 3k is less than 5k, but who could pull 3k out of their butt too. Thats a lot of money to spend to be a guest at someone else's wedding. I had a friend do a destination wedding to Jamaica and was angry when 3/4 of her guest list wouldn't come.

I would be honest. It's too much money. It's wasting a week of your vacation to be trapped on a boat. It's selfish of her to expect people to do that for her wedding. And just firmly say no.
__________________
OTN: Jeckyl and Hyde Hat, Shetland Shortwrap( )

FO: Lacey Stole, Library Capelet, Dead Fish Hat, Tree Bark Scarf
trvvn5 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to trvvn5 For This Useful Post:
Crycket (04-27-2010)
Old 04-27-2010, 09:01 AM   #9
Jannette
1st Leg of the Journey
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Twin Valley MN
Posts: 138
Thanks: 2
Thanked 33 Times in 32 Posts
I agree with everyone else, just say no. I think it's ridiculously expensive to have to pay $3000 to attend a wedding. I wouldn't do it for anyone. There, now try not to feel guilty!
Jannette is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Jannette For This Useful Post:
Crycket (04-27-2010)
Old 04-27-2010, 09:23 AM   #10
Sunshine's Mom
Turning the Heel
 
Sunshine's Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Clifton Park, NY
Posts: 819
Thanks: 214
Thanked 279 Times in 242 Posts
Didn't she want you in the wedding party? Her matron of honor?

In any event, if you really don't want to go, I think you need to tell her straight out that you simply cannot afford it. If you were independently wealthy it would be different. But, you are just not in a position to spend that kind of money. Period. You can't get blood from a stone.

It seems that maybe she re-planned this trip to accomodate your phobias about flying, etc, because she really wants you to be a part of her day. That is a bit guilt-trippy for sure, but you have to be honest with her. But I think I would stick to the lack of funds being the issue rather than that you don't want to "waste" your vacation time being with her on her wedding day. That seems a bit harsh to me and possibly a way to end a friendship that you didn't mean to do.

Frankly, though, so many of us don't really do something great on our vacations that I think an opportunity to have a marathon drive ending in a cruise would be kind of fun. Don't let your fears keep you from experiencing something that could be wonderful. Is it really a money issue or your fear of the unknown and being out of your comfort zone? And the best time to push your boundaries is when you are doing so for a loved one.
Sunshine's Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Sunshine's Mom For This Useful Post:
Crycket (04-27-2010)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:39 AM.